Sunday, May 17, 2015

tour changes who you are

Its 5:00 in the afternoon on a Sunday and I am sitting at a host home, in a quiet room while Naomi sleeps on the bed across from me. Last night I had boys and this morning I learned that they are harder to get up than girls. I was going to go walk this morning, but I didn't have time so I went on the back porch at my host home and wrote. Then I went inside, straighten my hair and put on make up. I got dressed cute today for church, I was ready for the day. I was excited to go take pictures today in front of this really neat place I saw yesterday and I was ready to have a conference call for my mission team.

However, when I arrived at the church my plans changed quickly. Naomi was staying with Darya and being that Darya plays a big role in the concert, she couldn't leave with Naomi when she got sick. Unsure of what to do Darya was going to try and bring Naomi back to the host home to rest. This is when my day changed.  I ended up taking Naomi to her host home.

And I realized today just how much this tour changes your heart. Sure, I've mentioned that before, but today it was a real moment. A moment that I realized just how much it changes it. Today I put myself aside and came to another 'strangers' house to care for a child. Today I crawled into bed with a child who possibly has the stomach bug because she looked at me with sad eyes and said "Auntie, come lay with me, please." Today I was ready to catch throw up at any moment. Today I let her play every Frozen song on my phone. Today was the first Sunday my church live streamed their services, so today Naomi and I laid on the bottom bunk of bunk beds and I told her every persons name on stage and a story about each one.

When I say I realized just how much my heart has changed since being on tour I mean in the fact that a year ago I wouldn't dare go with a kid that is not my own to help her throw up. I wouldn't dare lay in the bed beside someone who was sick. I wouldn't dare stay at random peoples homes. Now that is all I know. All I know is people paying for my food, all I know is helping kids who are not technically my own. I say they are not my own, but if I love my own child half as much as I love these my heart is going to burst daily.

I met some people the other day who are homebuilders, I sat across the table from them after the concert and told them of my dream to build schools in other countries. I told them about my heart for Uganda and my dream there. As I was talking to them I teared up because I realized just how passionate I am about a country that I have only visited 3 times. I explained to them that I had no clue why I was on tour, the doors flew open so I jumped through them. Literally jumped. When I began explaining the people I had met along the way, the host husband looked at me and said, 'that is why your on tour, to meet people, to get connections' I had never really thought about it in that sense, sure I thought it was awesome that I was meeting all sorts of people. I met a woman about a  month ago who is a lawyer in D.C and while telling her my dream she told me that she would get informational interviews lined up for me, so I can ask people who fight for education in Uganda and ask any questions I like. I met a lady here who has been to Kenya, her heart is golden and every time we talk she ends up giving me huge pieces of advice without realizing. I have met a lady who reminds me that laughter is always a good thing, always. I have met a lady who lived in Uganda with her entire family for a year, we will be having lunch this week for me to ask her question after question.

As I checked my Facebook last night I got a message from my host, who are homebuilders that said 'WE ARE IN'-- my heart literally quit beating. I immediately started researching, I almost drew up the plans last night, but I stopped myself when I heard Jesus whisper (in the middle of my panic attack) --patience. I can't jump into something that major, yet. Yes, when the time is right and the doors open I will jump through the door, literally jump.

Today I knew that I had to get up early and write out my thoughts or my day would have only consisted of me trying to figure out how to get from step A to step Z in school planting. However, Jesus knew that I would need to be in every moment fully today. Today, while I laid in the room with Naomi, I would ask her stories about back home. I learned more about her and more about the country. She told me things that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I had a conference call today I was trying to leave the room so she could rest and she begged me to stay in the room. She joined me on the floor. We laid on the floor and exchanged more stories and giggles. In the evening she and I headed back to the church in the van, as I drove down country roads and let her control the radio. She looked at me with tears in her giant eyes and said "auntie, thank you for taking care of me today"--
Today, though not my plan, was one of my favorite days. I loved today and everything in entailed. I loved knowing that I was exactly where I am supposed to be. I loved knowing that I grew up a little. I learned a little more today about Jesus and his love. I learned a little more today about how to give up more of myself. My heart is full today.

Now to gather two boys who keep sneaking out of their beds and tuck them in for the seventh time tonight.

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