We went to our first orphanage, that housed about 150 kiddos, before I left I remembered telling a friend that I was nervous about not making a connection with a child. Little did I know what would actually happen when I got there. I walked up the hill to get to the home and a child snuck up behind me and grabbed my hand-- the fear was instantly gone. Later that day we had stations for crafts and things. I was in charge of making bracelets with the children. One thing I didn't put into the equation was the language barrier. None of these children spoke English but I knew that we had to make the bracelets, so I grabbed the bag of beads and the string and I walked to the classroom. I turned the corner and then 25 bright brown faces with big white smiles shouted with excitement, "teacher, teacher!"
I have heard people talk about their first encounter with the Holy Spirit, I've heard about how they were at a retreat or at a revival, maybe even a Sunday morning service-- my first encounter with the Holy Spirit was in Kimasagra Orphange in Kigali, Rwanda. When those girls shouted 'teacher' I felt something physically hold me up, it was like I was being literally blown away. I almost fell, simply because I went into this trip thinking that I was just going to play with kiddos and from that I would have stories to tell for years.
I was already 'set' in my life, I had a boyfriend, I was a massage therapist, I was going to move to Chicago, but within those 45 seconds my entire life changed. It was like the wall I was hiding behind, the wall labeled "I can't be myself, I don't know who she is" was crushed before my eyes. I walked in and taught the class through a cracked voice. After, we were done making bracelets the girls wanted me to play this game with a bouncy ball. --Side note: I was always the one sitting on the sidelines, I was always the one who sits quietly while everyone else cracks jokes and plays games. I never wanted to mess up or get made fun of, so I simply didn't do it. I really didn't know how to laugh at myself- - The girls handed me the bouncy ball and waited for me to try the trick, of course I couldn't do it. I was wearing a skirt but I tried and I had them all laughing, I laughed with them. I looked up to see 10 girls standing around me watching my every move and loving the fact that I could laugh at myself. This was the first time that I ever verbally said "thank you, Jesus" and it was for such a simple moment.
So today two years ago is the day that changed my life, sure there were moments in this trip that wrecked me, but it all started there, in that very moment. I remember coming home from that trip and knowing that nothing would ever be the same. Nothing. And it hasn't. Because I haven't allowed myself to go back to the comforts that's only left me feeling empty. I have been changed, by Jesus. Not by a break up, not by a career change, not by changing churches or even beginning school.
I am changed because on August 4, 2012 I stepped into a huge part of my calling. I made a room full of little girls laugh while I laughed at myself. I heard Jesus through a room full of broken English shouting "teacher," I felt things in my being that I had not felt ever before. I felt loved in ways that I never knew. & while my heart was so full of such rich moments, it also broke at the very thought "Jesus, break my heart for what breaks yours" and he did just that.
This trip means so much to me because this is when I found me, but most importantly this is where I found Jesus. As I left Africa, I remember looking out the window and feeling like I was forgetting something so important. That something was the old me, I was leaving her there because I was coming home as the one who He created, I was coming home a daughter who knew her worth in the kingdom. I was coming home in love. In love with my creator.
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