Cal & Al

I’ve always heard that you know when you meet the person you will marry. That’s not always true. When I met Al, I knew something was there but I was unsure what. I felt upset when I heard that there was someone else he was interested in, but I quickly got over it because I knew that I didn’t like him. I knew he had a heart for missions and that’s what I found attractive in anyone. However, I did not like him I knew that. I went on about my life, I needed the season to heal to find myself and I did just those things. Two months after meeting Al, I got offered a position to move to Uganda to help build schools with the ministry he worked with (a dream that burned in my heart since 2009.) I took it. I knew that was where God took me, I knew that’s why I was on tour. I went back and forth with lots of questions - but deep down I knew. We would all move in 2016. It wasn’t until that month that I got his number. He text the group saying, “praying for you guys.” I think it was about three months later before we had our first conversation privately. He told me to try watching Parks, I did and most of our talks were about that. I appreciated his friendship, it was something I needed in the season of getting ready to move. I would often say, “you better not catch feelings because I am not that girl.” And I so wasn’t, I was in such a good season of being single that the idea of being in a relationship made me panic. I knew that I had to be single to actually do this giant move. In the fall of 2015, Alejandro came to Dothan to visit. We watched Parks, went to the fair and he met my best friends. Once I thought he liked me and I went to my house for 10 mins and left him in my parents - I DID NOT WANT TO LIKE HIM. He came back again in January to be my date to my sisters wedding, he taught me how to waltz. I thought I could like him, but then someone in my family asked me if we were dating and I ran away - to the bathroom for 10 mins. This happened a few more times, and every single time I would run away. I was better at that. 

In March 2016 we moved to Uganda. My entire family drove me to South Carolina a couple days before and Alejandro was there to greet us and to help me finish packing. He was there. I called him my best friend to everyone I knew because he was that. We moved to Uganda and transition was hard, it was so hard. Alejandro would come to my room and say, “hey, come outside.” He’d say, “hey, let’s walk to the store.” He would take me to get ice cream on really, really bad days. He was there. Two months into living in Uganda, we hit a wall. Our friendship hit its first giant fight. It wasn’t small. It was big. We didn’t talk for a couple days and we shared a bathroom, so imagine the awkwardness. I knew he was still my friend, we both just needed time. We eventually got over it, but walls were built up. He was still there. We watched Parks on rainy days, went to the alum together every Saturday, he taught me Spanish words everyday, he made me laugh when he knew I missed home. My phone got ripped from my hands and I called Alejandro scream crying from someone else’s phone. He slept on my floor that night and gave me his iPhone to take with me to Italy to visit my family. Time went on, Uganda got harder for me and I called it on my 6th month. My anxiety had surpassed the friendship I had with Alejandro, I had 100% pushed myself away from everything. He tried to take me places and I’d just tell him no. I moved home. 

If you know me you know that I say, “I love you,” to everyone. I said to Alejandro shortly after our friendship started and never got a response. When he dropped me off at the airport to fly back home, we hugged and wept seriously, wept. He looked at me and said, “I guess I love you.” I cried for 2 hours. My youngest sister was with me, she held my hand and kept quiet. I got home and cut off all communication. I knew I needed to, at least I thought I did. It had been two months and I got a text saying, “you’re not overcommitting to things to stay busy, are you?” For my birthday he sent me Parks memes and we’d catch up every now and then. He still understood me. 

Months passed and Alejandro and I would only text once a week, maybe. In September there was a banquet in SC for the ministrywe worked for, I decided to go and take my friend with me. We got there early to help set up. Tony, Alejandro’s best friend was there and he wanted to call him. So he called him, I picked up the phone and heard his voice and my heart quit beating. I said, “hello” he said, “hey playa,” and everything I ever knew about him changed. We caught up and at the banquet I saw all of his friends, his family and after the banquet was over I got in the car with Jordan and said,” I’m in love with Alejandro.” Her response, “about time for you to admit it.”

I called Alejandro and said, “I need to tell you something and it not ruin our friendship.” He promised it wouldn’t. I said, “I’m pretty sure I have feelings for you and that I have for awhile.” He laughed and said, “well, me too.”  We talked for the entire 6 hour car ride home. I got home and realized what I had done and wanted to run away, but I didn’t. 

October came around and my friends were going to Uganda and wanted me to join. I surprised Alejandro. There was a lot of awkwardness to push through. We asked each other if we could hold hands like on day 3, we laughed when it happened. He asked me to be my girlfriend in Gulu, a place I’d waited since 2009 to see in person. He kissed me, but first asked if it was okay. It was a lot of awkward moments, but we laugh at them now. When I got on the plane, he kissed me and we both cried. We FaceTimed often. I was unsure when I’d see him again. He got approved to come home in December, but left before Christmas. ‘Blue Christmas,’ was on repeat. We told each other we loved each other in December, Parks was on in the background. I knew if he didn’t say it then I would. He said it, we both giggled and said - “this is crazy.”

We knew we wanted to get married. We just didn’t know when or what that even looked liked.  We talked about fall 2017, but he came home in February to surprise me. 

We walked through so much to get married. So much. Long distance is hard, but when that person is there everyday that seems a little harder at times. We pushed through, we had great premarital counselors and we fought to get communication on the same page. We got married in May and nothing had ever felt more right. 

On May 20th we will be married for a year. They say the first year is hard, it is. I’m not going to lie. We walked through a very hard season. We pushed through and we fight daily for our marriage. Learning to live with someone sounds so fun at the beginning, until you realize that the kitchen cabinets are empty because he keeps Tupperware in his car and I keep all the cups. He wakes up at 7am and I wake up at 9:30. He’s ready for bed at 10 and I’m not ready until 12. But we’ve learned those things, we know each other and how to handle certain things. Marriage is fun. I seriously married my best friend and I’m so thankful for that. I can be myself. Recently I looked at him and said, “I never thought I’d be this comfortable with someone.” 

It’s the best. 

catch up.

change is hard.
it always has been and i am convinced that it always will be.

over the next couple of months, LOTS is going to change. LOTS.
some of my very best friends will be moving.
I will be moving into a house.
I will be making a very grown up decision.
I will be making more grown up decisions.
And more grown up decisions.
(very vague, but for good reason.)

I am not writing how I usually do - that because I've lost touch with writing. I still write stories about the people I meet and then they never make it to the computer. I always forget them or don't share them with people and then they disappear.

I still love meeting people.
let me clarify, I do not enjoy meeting people - it makes me nervous and clammy, but once that is gone I love it. I love knowing that they are just as nervous as I am most times.

I hate small talk, but love when conversations get deep really quick.
its one of my favorite things.

I quit school, again. not that its some huge deal. I just was unsure of what I was going after and I put it on the back burner for awhile - I will continue to let the thoughts simmer for a bit. but I refuse to beat myself up for not getting a 4 year degree in something that I am not 100% sure if I truly want to do.

I am a full time employee and I really enjoy it.
some days massaging is hard - its draining for my hands, my forearms and sometimes my brain.
I am convinced that I will be the pickle jar opener in my house someday.

for the first time, ever, I take pride in my job. I want clients to come back to see me and  I want to help them - whether that be just to relax or if they have an actual issue that they need worked.

one of my favorite clients is a very harsh older lady. harsh. the first time I met her it took all of my not to stop in the middle of the massage because of her views on politics. she went on and on and on for the entire hour and said things that I wholeheartedly disagree with and I kept my mouth shut. when the massage was over, I laughed while I washed my hands, because I realized that I loved her. she was harsh because she was herself, not caring what others thought. and I realized then that the world needed more people like her. people who have class, but are still not afraid to tell you their opinions not in a rude or disrespectful way. I want true and honest people. people who have different opinions than me, but respect me enough as a human to listen to my opinion as well.


this blog is a small catch up -
its nothing that is a life lesson or a story about someone who changed my life.
*I have tons of those from my clients. hopefully they will make it to the blog soon.*

here is to these next two weeks where I know I will cry my eyeballs out for multiple reasons.
1. moving my best friends.
2. seeing the Lumineers
3. did I mention moving my best friends?
4. teaching my heart that change is a good thing.

take a hike 2016 - 2017 here is to you

I don't have one specific pictures to describe this year, I've looked and I've tried to find the perfect one - but I am realizing that that does not exist. This year was a different kind of year, I did not care for it too much. I failed a lot and as most of you know I am not scared of failure - to an extent, but I do get nervous when I have to publicly announce my failure. I should be writing this post from my room in Uganda, but I am not. I am writing it from my couch, while Bon Iver plays on the record player and I wear my trusty robe because the party hasn't started yet.

I typically spend days like today daily quiet, I reflect on things and cry at some point. Today was different though, I woke up to a great conversation with my boy in Uganda, I rushed to build something for an event and then I came home to watch football. I haven't cried.. yet. I am not sure if I will. I did laugh a lot while I told funny stories I have had since starting back to work, I laughed and had the room laughing as I acted out the stories in person - I like to think I am funnier in person, my facial expressions and body language seem to sell the story.

I learned a bunch this year, I say that often. I say that too often, we learn things everyday if we allow ourselves. However, I did learn a lot though - I learned what a true friend is. I learn how to accept life going differently than planned. I learned how to say I am sorry. I learned how to forgive, in some senses. I learned how to laugh more. I learned how to curve my anxiety the best I can. I learned how to love and truly love. I learned how to say bye. I learned how to let someone love me. I learned how to be myself in every place - (I said "Roll Tide," in the front lobby of the spa the other day because I was exhausted and my other client was there early - I typically say Roll Tide, when I have nothing else to say. I said this in a crowded room and got blank stares and giggles because they had no clue what to think) I learned how to meet new people. I learned how to be okay with being okay. I learned how to truly feel and embrace my emotions. I learned how to be more vulnerable. I learned how to try new things and be honest when I do not like them. I learned how to live in another country. I learned how to accept not staying. I learned how to say no, when I wanted to scream yes. I learned a tiny-tiny bit more patience. I learned some Spanish words. I learned how to eat ice cream when crap hits the fan. I learned how to accept deadlines and how to avoid them. I learned how to teach. I learned how to learn. I learned how to commit. I learned that I need to commit more.


I do not know what 2017 holds.
I do know that right now I have a good job because I finally quit running from an opportunity that was right in front of me. I do know that I have someone special who has been there for me and with me for awhile now, awhile. I do know that I have a solid family who stands beside me in every adventure I embark on. I do know that I have a cat, who is a bed hog. I do know that my dog is probably pregnant, so I guess that mean 2017 will make me a grandma to pups. I do know that I am thankful for this year, even though it was really high highs and really low lows. I do know that I want to write more. I do know that this seamster will be tough. I do know that I finished a math class that took me 5 semester because I never committed to the idea of finishing my education. I do know that I am going to enjoy tonight with my family and my FaceTime date with my mexican later. I do know that I am going to enjoy every single second thrown my way and not wish them away because yesterday my sister got married, but really it was a year ago. I do know that music is good and coffee is the best thing created. I do know that Jesus loves me and chooses me. I do know that he is with me and fighting battles that I cannot even see.

I am loved.
I am learning.
I am here.


Here is to you, 2017.
Grandpups, ready to meet you.