Uganda: Day 1

Today I learned that leading isn't an easy job, but a fun one. Today I rode a boda boda to the city to exchange money, and at one point I was so close to a pedestrian that I could have touch his face. Today I used a restroom that didn't have a toilet seat. Today I cooked eggs on a gas stove for breakfast. Today I watched two girls hearts break over a little boy who was getting jiggers removed from his feet. Last night I got shocked while I showered. Tonight someone else got shocked while getting ice out of the freezer. Tonight I sat with a team of 10 girls and 1 guy who's hearts were heavy after the first day on the field. 

Uganda has a way of doing that to people, of making them question every American Dream, of questioning where they belong in the world and why they were born in such a 'safe' country. Today while on the boda boda (motorcycle) I looked around at the people. I watched them greet with such bright smiles, there was so much love in their eyes- so much joy in the moment of feeling red dust hit my face and horns honking all the way to town. However, on the other side of the sheer joy there are moments of complete brokenness. Thoughts of why I was so blessed to be born in a county that has anything at my fingertips. I can literally pick up my phone, order food online and expect it delivered to my front door and hot within 25 mins. I live in a world where if the internet isn't fast enough I call and complain. If I want to watch a sad movie to cry, then I watch a sad movie and cry. Let's compare those things to the things I saw today: I had lunch delivered to where we were working, Moses (our awesome helper) had to go pick it up-- it took 2 hours and we had room temp water to drink. We had 12 people fighting over wifi about two hours ago, not really fighting but we figured out a system. I watched babies get jiggers pulled out of their feet with razor blades and safety pins while they wanted to cry they couldn't because they are "strong"-- of course there were some tears because some of the cases today had 80+

Tonight as I sit in the living room with dirty feet, a face covered in dirt, and clothes that smell I am grateful. Tonight as I hear bugs outside, music blaring from down the street and the bonfire smell coming through the windows, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Tonight my heart is thankful for a team who loves a lot, who grew together fast and who is ready to serve tomorrow. 

confessions of an auntie

A week from today the children that I have called my own for the past 4 months will be back in their normal life. They will be waking up early to fetch water, wearing their favorite flip flops and eating their food, but most importantly they will be back with their families. This tour has changed my life in so many ways. I've learned more about myself in the past few months than I ever have.

This blog will be raw:
It will be telling my secrets from the road.

Confessions of an auntie:

I have never been this happy in my entire life.
I don't know what I will do when tour is over.
I don't know how I will be without having kids to tuck in every night
I don't know what I will do when I don't have a hand to hold.
I have become blind to skin color.
I don't know what I will do without hearing their voices everyday.
I don't know what I will do without hearing 'auntie' every ten minutes.
I don't know what they will be doing daily and it bothers me.
I don't know what my life would be like without having 18 kids to pray for daily.
I am scared of next Tuesday, scared of how my heart will feel.
I am nervous about what I will be like when I go to Uganda and not be able to see every child.
Im scared that I will forget about pure moments on tour.
I don't ever want to forget the moments that I grew.
I kept the kids up past bedtime almost every night. It was worth it.
I don't remember the name of most of my host homes.
I let the kids sing Ed Sheeran.
I also let them request a few other songs.
I told the kids daily that I loved them.
I met people that I know will be in my life for years to come.
I gained friends on the road.
I met a child who changed me daily.
I got frustrated a lot.
I had to walk away from situation to take a breath.
I explored new cities.
I napped a lot.
I stayed up too late.
I woke up late somedays.
I connected more with moms I met than people my own age.
I prayed with the kids every night.
I prayed bad things out of their dreams.
I got scared when kids sleep walked.
I prayed for healing.
I was a nurse sometimes.
I was a massage therapist most of the time.
I didn't let the kids braid my hair because I'm tender headed.
I thought about the future too much.
I didn't live in the present somedays.
I didn't love enough somedays.
I listened to Casting Crowns more than enough, all thanks to Darya.
I sang in a language I still don't know.
I broke promises, I'm sure.
I sang Happy Birthday.
I decorated bedrooms for birthday surprises.
I listened to stories that were hard to hear.
I ran in the rain.
I loaded the van in the rain.
I met a family that will never know how much they inspire me.
I met a few new friends that I hope stick around for a bit.
I argued with my momma because I missed her.
I didn't call my sisters enough.
I grew closer to my daddy on this tour.
I didn't pray enough.
I told Darya daily that she was being too loud.
I picked up words like 'Rowdy" from Marissa.
I learned new music from Lindsay.
I cried a couple of times.
I laughed more than I ever have.
I met new people daily.
I almost yelled at a homeless woman because she was yelling at my kids.
I scrubbed watermelon from red van.
I screamed through tunnels.
I drove in the rain.
I took naps while I should have been helping keep Darya awake.
I drank too much coffee.
I ate too much McDonalds.
I learned more about Uganda than I wanted to know.
I took more pictures that I needed to.
I let my phone die one too many times.
I don't like swimming in crowded pools, but I did it three times (for the kids)
I didn't shave my legs as much as I needed too.
I let the kids pick out my outfits somedays.
I let things go that were holding me back.
I laughed on bad days.
I ran for a couple of weeks.
I blew one of my knees out.
I still can't climb upstairs without the pain.
I broke my glasses.
I got new glasses.
I went to book stores in new cities.
I got tired of going to book stores every three days.
I said 'Roll Tide' a lot.
I sang "Sweet Home Alabama"
I learned more abut Texas than any other state.
I danced in the back of churches to get the kids to laugh on stage.
I learned how to live with complete strangers.
I learned how to love.
I learned the true meaning of love.
I learned that things in life aren't always planned.
I learned that the best things happen when they are unexpected.
I learned how to say 'yes'
I learned how to say 'no'

I learned that my life will never be the same. I know that my life has changed. I know that in July while I am in Uganda I will know more than ever before. I also know that saying 'goodbye' to the few kids I do get to see there will be harder than anything else Ive done. I know that Tuesday will be the longest day of my life and I know that Wednesday I will get to see my family. I know that this weekend I will see people who I am excited to see. And I know that Monday when I fly to Uganda my heart will still be confused, but it will still be full. So full of pure joy. I can't wait to see these kids again and I am currently sitting in the room with two of them. I miss them already.

can we just stop already

While some people try to start another Civil War over social media-- I am tucking children into bed knowing that in a week from today they go back to their lives. They go back to their lives of only one meal day, that meal only being a bowl of porridge. They go back to sharing beds with their siblings, some children 4 to a full size mattress- their heads go on the mattress and their legs go on the ground. They go back to their mothers and fathers that love them in ways I can't, ways I only wish I could.

As I tuck them into bed I listen to their stories, I listen to them talk about the long walks to school, the nights they stay up late doing chores and the mornings they wake up at 4am to fetch water and get their siblings dressed from school. I listen to them talk about the little scars they have on their bodies. Then they ask me about my past, my family, my life. I tell them my stories and right after i feel guilty. I feel guilty because I didn't choose to be born in America. Just as much as they didn't choose to be born in a developing country, but they were and they love it. Its what they know.

Tonight my heart is heavy, knowing that in 7 days they fly home. They go back to their normal lives and I go back to mine, which will never be the same. My heart is heavy at the fact that America is so 'blessed' that we choose to argue about things that only cause more war than peace. Without realizing it, soon we will be in another civil war. We fight about gun rights, we fight about same sex marriage, we fight about the people with different skin tones. We fight over everything. Before I go any further, I will say that I am a very opinionated person- I had to learn to control it during my hippie days in high school. I use to say things and not care how it came across or what people thought about my opinion. However, now I am speaking out of a place of love.

Here is my opinion: I think we waste our time debating on social media. I find it ignorant that people think they are changing the world by posting a meme. I am tired of people saying things on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram that they would never say to someones face. I am tired of people always trying to bring up a new issue. What exactly are you trying to prove? Are we trying to get another war started? When do we start fighting for the rights of homeless? Of orphans or widows? Or is that way out of the question at this point? When will we look past our phone screens and see the world as a whole, not separated into countries and colors.

As I tucked my girls into bed tonight I found myself feeling complete joy. These children have so much joy, so much love and so much faith. They are ready to go back home to eating one meal a day, walking miles to school and having to fetch water instead of walking to the water fountain. When will we actually fight for their rights? When we will care that they go hungry? When will we care that they don't get free education? When will we care that at the age of 14 some girls are child brides? When will quit fighting from behind a computer screen about pointless things and actually fight for something worth fighting for.



This video speaks for itself. This organization changed my life 7 years ago.
https://vimeo.com/114638373