#24for24years

I could write 10,000 words about today. I could write about every single story. I want to tell each one and I want to give them justice - I wanted this project to shine light on how important it is to share simple things with people. We are a community, a family - we were made to love each other and be there for each other.

So I decided to do something positive for my birthday. I did not want a party, I did not want things shined on me - I wanted to give small things to people I know and people I don’t. I wanted to share the love of Jesus just through buying a snow cone for a stranger, giving a homemade cupcake to a city worker, or giving cold bottle of water to someone working in the heat. I wanted people to know they they are loved and valued. I wanted people to take the joy they received in that one second of me me handing them something and I wanted them to share that joy - spread that joy like wildfire. 

This isn’t a blog to tell you the good things I did. This is a blog to tell you that I am in a FUNK. I have been for quiet sometime, I am in route to get back to being myself. It isn’t easy - so today I put myself aside and I fully embraced every hug, every smile, every laugh, every tear and I watched my sister and her best friend live it out too. They were excited about helping and spreading joy. I watched positive things get pumped into social media and while I never intended for my name to be attached - I cried each time I saw their smiles or heard their stories. 

Today was for this community. It was for my friends here in my hometown. It was for the mechanic who fixes my car. for the family who gives free hugs at the snow cone stand. for the Waste Management men who were on their lunch break. for the little girl who wanted a snow cone on a summer day. for my neighbors. for the family who wanted a Redbox. for the lady at the gas station who needed a hug. for the men who work in the heat all day. for the people who play Pokemon. for the pet owners. for the cancer survivors. for the people who needed encouragement while learning to cook or hike a mountain. for the people who look different than me, think different than me and act different than me - this was all for you. 

Today is a day I will carry forever. I loved today.

I am beyond thankful for every person who accepted these gifts. I am beyond thankful for the people who are continuing to share the joy. KEEP IT GOING. 

Italy, Family and a battle of anxiety.

I am in Naples, Italy -with my entire family and my heart could not be happier. When I arrived here, my immediate family was not here because they missed one of their flights due to weather. I was greeted, with kisses on each cheek by my Italian family, who does not know English.

One things you need to know before this post gets started, I have been battling fear and anxiety like a mad man for the past two weeks. I have lost all joy, I have lost the ability to enjoy simple moments because I am trying to figure out why bad things happen in this world, I am trying to understand how God works and I am trying to figure out my life's calling. I wonder most days if something bad will happen and how I will respond. It has been a struggle. A STRUGGLE. 

I was with my family who does not speak English and culture shock set in. When you arrive in Naples the airport is on the industrial side of town, it looks barren, but still beautiful - you pass a volcano, some big buildings and tons of apartment complexes, that is how people live here. Its is cheaper and nicer to live in apartments. I was in the car with my cousin and her husband, they didn't speak English - but she knew a few words, and that helped a bit. We arrived at  Zio Fanco's and Zia Rosetta's (Nonna's brother and his wife) apartment, I sat at the table for a little bit while they tried to figure out a way to communicate with me, I had a glass of water and then my anxiety kicked in so I knew it was time to take a nap. I went to my room and slept for a bit. 

I woke up, tried to communicate with Zio Franco and then messaged Paola to see when she would be back. I got dressed, still fighting the anxiety, I showered and cried a bit because I was still so overwhelmed by being 100% immersed into the Italian culture just coming from Uganda. I got dressed, threw up and then went out with Paola, her husband and their sweet daughter. We drove around Naples while we she typed on Google Translator to tell me what things were or ask me questions about myself. Trying to explain why I lived in Uganda was a fun time, I laughed. She told me that she was a special needs teacher and that she had been doing it for 14 years. She is a gem. We had pizza for dinner and they can throw down on pizza here, they ordered a pizza for themselves - its  medium sized pizza and then they devoured it, so quickly and gracefully. I have never seen anything like it before. 

They took me home, I feel asleep in the car and when I arrived at Zio Franco's apartment, he was waiting up watching television - Zia Rosetta and their puppy, Black were already asleep. Mind you, he knows ZERO English. I waved goodnight and he said, 'buona notte' and I said it back slowly and he giggled and gave me a thumbs up. It was a moment I will cherish for the rest of my life, I am sure of it. 

The next morning I woke up nervous about my parents flights and fought through it, we drove to the airport and everyone who lived within a hour distance showed up to greet my family at the airport. They lost their luggage which caused a delay, and FINALLY they were here- I gave them such giant hugs, a few tears were shed and we were on our way. We all were together - half speaking only Italian and half speaking only English. We loaded up and headed to our villa, it was a ways from the airport and I rode with Nonna and Nonno - my thoughts were still getting the best of me and I tried to push them aside and enjoy every second thrown my way. 

The house we are staying in is beautiful. 

Clean white walls. European to the core. 

You can see the sea and the mountains from our balcony.

The little pizzeria across the street is tasty. 

& the cars never stop coming by. 

I am here, with my family and this week I am fighting about this demon called anxiety that I battle. I will not let it steal my joy while I am here, I will not try and figure out my life's calling while I am here - instead I will enjoy every second thrown my way.  I will write when I can and I am avoiding Facebook because it steals my joy - I compare myself to people, I waste my REAL LIFE wondering about Facebook, my next move and what everyone else is doing. 

I am thankful. I am happy. I am full because I just had bruschetta, made by Nonna and I am in Naples seeing where my Nonna was born and raised. My keys on my computer and lined with a tiny bit of olive oil and I am about to take a nap because we are waiting for luggage to make its way to our house. 

This is me saying bye to Facebook for a bit. To anxiety because it is stupid.

having an extrovert as a best friend changes you

I just finished watching How to Be Single.
Before I go into this post - I need you to know that this movie was not the cleanest, nor was it morally correct. It was about being single and how to survive being single in the city. 

I started it thinking that it would be just another rom-com and I would get a good laugh and then turn it off and go to sleep, nope. I am awake, I have watched the ending 3 times and I have laughed until I cried once again - thank you Amy Poehler for reminding us how important that actually is- Most of you know my best friend Jordan, if you do not know her you have at least heard about her in these blogs, she is golden. She literally can make anyone laugh at anytime, she can bring joy into any room and she says whatever is on her mind and then pauses afterwards to say, “welp, shouldn’t have said that one.” She makes me funnier and accepts my attempts at jokes and then we laugh so hard that we cannot breathe - it turns into wheezing and we know that we have to leave each other for a few minutes or we will run out of oxygen. I am telling you - funny. 

At the beginning of  this movie, you meet Alice, a girl who is trying to figure out who she is, only finding herself in men. Then you watch her meet her best friend who was the complete opposite - funny, single, proud to be single and completely herself. It got my heart right at the beginning because Alice, the relationship girl, is an introvert and Robin, the single one, is an extrovert. They worked perfectly.

This blog may start to loose its purpose because I have rambled on about my best friend for 10 minutes, let me try to get back into the reason behind this post. 

_______________

I am Alice. 

Jordan is Robin.

I mentioned in my last post that I have been in relationships all my life, its true. I have. I have never given myself time to myself, time to find me and there have been multiple things that have shown signs where I need to be alone - but I ignore them because, “he is nice.” “he is funny.” “he loves Jesus.” — those things are all great, but it was always out of timing. In this movie, Robin and Alice have such a unique friendship - You would think that the introvert, who can keep relationships and has a good job would be the one teaching the extrovert, who is single, and loud something but that is never the case. It wasn’t in this movie. And it is not in my life - So many time I have tried to teach Jordan things, I have tired to make her be quiet, or I have tried to make her fit a mold of being this way around these people and this way around those people. 

I have cheated her.

I am now on the other side of the world and I have realized that she has taught me more than I could ever teach her. 

She has taught me to laugh, to meet new people, to embrace every single second, to laugh when your car breaks down or when your bathroom sink falls to the ground while you brush your teeth. She has shown me how to live my life, how to not overthink, how to be myself and forget the people who don’t like me, she’s taught me how to embrace my laugh and how not to say “shhh.” She has taught me that it is okay to be by myself, its okay to change my mind, its okay to follow my dreams, she has taught me how to fight for what is right. She has taught me how to order at Waffle House, how to deal with loss and how to embrace the moments we have with people. She taught me how to worship through pain and joy. 

She is my best friend. 

& I have cheated her. I have kept her quiet when the room needed a good laugh and I have pushed her away when I needed her most. 

This movie showed me more than I thought it did, apparently. Here i I was thinking I was starting this blog to tell you about how I have never known myself outside of relationships, but what actually happened is me telling you, and myself just how much being friends with a complete extrovert changed my life. 

I am single. 

That is obvious. 

I am happy in that. 

I am leaning new things daily. 

Maybe I will hike a mountain alone someday. 

Thankful for moment when Jesus shows me things, even when I am not trying to learn those things. 

Thankful for my laugh, that is just like my fathers. 

Thankful for a best friend who is my best friend.