take a hike 2016 - 2017 here is to you

I don't have one specific pictures to describe this year, I've looked and I've tried to find the perfect one - but I am realizing that that does not exist. This year was a different kind of year, I did not care for it too much. I failed a lot and as most of you know I am not scared of failure - to an extent, but I do get nervous when I have to publicly announce my failure. I should be writing this post from my room in Uganda, but I am not. I am writing it from my couch, while Bon Iver plays on the record player and I wear my trusty robe because the party hasn't started yet.

I typically spend days like today daily quiet, I reflect on things and cry at some point. Today was different though, I woke up to a great conversation with my boy in Uganda, I rushed to build something for an event and then I came home to watch football. I haven't cried.. yet. I am not sure if I will. I did laugh a lot while I told funny stories I have had since starting back to work, I laughed and had the room laughing as I acted out the stories in person - I like to think I am funnier in person, my facial expressions and body language seem to sell the story.

I learned a bunch this year, I say that often. I say that too often, we learn things everyday if we allow ourselves. However, I did learn a lot though - I learned what a true friend is. I learn how to accept life going differently than planned. I learned how to say I am sorry. I learned how to forgive, in some senses. I learned how to laugh more. I learned how to curve my anxiety the best I can. I learned how to love and truly love. I learned how to say bye. I learned how to let someone love me. I learned how to be myself in every place - (I said "Roll Tide," in the front lobby of the spa the other day because I was exhausted and my other client was there early - I typically say Roll Tide, when I have nothing else to say. I said this in a crowded room and got blank stares and giggles because they had no clue what to think) I learned how to meet new people. I learned how to be okay with being okay. I learned how to truly feel and embrace my emotions. I learned how to be more vulnerable. I learned how to try new things and be honest when I do not like them. I learned how to live in another country. I learned how to accept not staying. I learned how to say no, when I wanted to scream yes. I learned a tiny-tiny bit more patience. I learned some Spanish words. I learned how to eat ice cream when crap hits the fan. I learned how to accept deadlines and how to avoid them. I learned how to teach. I learned how to learn. I learned how to commit. I learned that I need to commit more.


I do not know what 2017 holds.
I do know that right now I have a good job because I finally quit running from an opportunity that was right in front of me. I do know that I have someone special who has been there for me and with me for awhile now, awhile. I do know that I have a solid family who stands beside me in every adventure I embark on. I do know that I have a cat, who is a bed hog. I do know that my dog is probably pregnant, so I guess that mean 2017 will make me a grandma to pups. I do know that I am thankful for this year, even though it was really high highs and really low lows. I do know that I want to write more. I do know that this seamster will be tough. I do know that I finished a math class that took me 5 semester because I never committed to the idea of finishing my education. I do know that I am going to enjoy tonight with my family and my FaceTime date with my mexican later. I do know that I am going to enjoy every single second thrown my way and not wish them away because yesterday my sister got married, but really it was a year ago. I do know that music is good and coffee is the best thing created. I do know that Jesus loves me and chooses me. I do know that he is with me and fighting battles that I cannot even see.

I am loved.
I am learning.
I am here.


Here is to you, 2017.
Grandpups, ready to meet you.