Homesick

As I sit in my hammock in a city in the middle of nowhere, I'm homesick. Today will mark the tenth day I've been on tour. This would also mark the last day of a mission trip if I were overseas. I would know deep in my spirit that I get to go home tomorrow and there would be a bit of joy and sadness. Today isn't easy, the enemy has tried getting at me all day. If it's not me thinking that some kids just don't want me here, then it's the idea of being homesick. It's just been a tough day.

I know this will pass, I know that it will. This morning I caught a glimpse of the sunrise through sheer zebra print curtains (we are staying in a 14 year olds room) and I was reminded in that second that Jesus loves me. I laid back down for the last few minutes I had  before my alarm and felt loved. I got dressed in the bathroom with three preteen girls and then I fixed their plates for breakfast. I felt my purpose this morning, i knew it would be a good day, but now I am here in my hammock away from everyone to regroup. 

Darya is a chaperone on the trip and she always asks how I am feeling. I get the question often, usually it's a quick Im doing great; however, today I said "I'm okay" she knew I wanted to be home. She explained Sundays were the hardest because you are at another church that isn't your own. You have to say good morning to people you don't know and watch them greet one another because they know each others lives because they simply live life together. This was tough this morning because more than anything I wanted to be greeted at my church, to hug my sweet children at preschool and to eat lunch with my best friend, Jordan.  

Then there are moments on concert days when everyone is walking around the church, everyone is doing their job- cleaning up lunch, washing dishes, setting up sound equipment. We all pass one another and lift our eyebrows, it's a greeting. We don't use our words our eyes say it all. It's something that I know I will miss when I am home. Then there are a million hugs a day, a million. Another thing I will miss when I am home.

I know that being homesick is okay, I know that. But today I need prayer, I am only 10 days in and my sister sent me a snapchat of my family all eating breakfast together and I wanted to be sitting at the round table at Memaw and Pepaws, but instead I watched children whom I love so much sing their hearts out for jJesus during pride and worship this morning. 

Do you see my dilemma today? I am going to chill in my hammock for a bit to get past this because I have to comfort little ones who get homesick at some point. 

Moments

I have never been this happy, I have but it was in another county. Of course things at home make me happy: my family, my friends, community, family charades. These things have all brought me joy in the past, but this is a different kind of joy. It warms a different part of my heart (if that doesn't sound too Hallmark-ish) This past week I have felt a new part of my heart, if that makes sense. I felt thing that felt familiar, but all new. This blog is all hard to explain, very hard. I am trying to tell you that I am still in America, but my heart feels as if it is in Uganda. These children teach me new things everyday. I love them. We are all getting comfortable with each other now, learning one another. For example, last night in a host home Loyce came down stairs from her bedroom and pretended as if I called her downstairs. She did this so that she could climb in bed with me. We had to of course document the entire thing, so she took pictures on my phone.

There are so many moments throughout the past week that I have not has the chance to write about but moments that I jot down, only hoping that when I go to write about them that I can recall each moments.

Moments on the bus when I put my arm on the row of boys behind me,  my momma use to do it to me as a little girl and I remember feeling loved. I remember knowing that she loved me and that she was thinking about me. When I placed my arm back there they grabbed my hand and rubbed my arm. However, later after I turned around to talk to them they said "Auntie your arm is as white as a chicken with no feathers." I laughed because its true.

Moments with Wilber. He is a little boy who has stayed by my side since I have been here. We had just cleaned out the vans so we were resting and sitting in silence for a bit. It was nice to sit and not exchange words. He broke he silence by asking if he had school today. I told him that we had a fun day planned and he looked worried as he told me that he needed to go to school. He needed to do his work to be successful. He said "School is my future"-- he knows at the age of 14 how important school is. He knows that education is the way of life for him.

Moments when I try and teach Florence (a Ugandan chaperone who teaches the children) how to play checkers. Thinking that I am teaching her something, she beats me. BEATS me.

Moments where I may or may not be teaching the children the Macarena slowly, but surely. Three of them have it down pat-- 15 to go.  Tonight as Lindsay and I tucked the girls into bed I taught Asia the shopping cart and the q-tip. I am teaching Uganda my dance moves.

Moments when the children talk about how far away their house is from the next. The kids come from different places in Uganda, some are 9 hours away from each other, but they still talk about how they will meet up once they get back in Uganda. They say they will walk to one another or ride the bus. I can only hope that they do not lose touch.

Moments when we are staying at a host home that has a stuffed fox and the girls decided to name it Nelson, after Nelson Mandela.

Moments that we eat rice and beans for lunch and I eat it because it's good and because it takes me back to Africa.

Moments that I have with the chaperones, the ones where we talk about our past. We talk about our dreams and we encourage each other. Not knowing where each of us will go in three months when the tour is over, but we still start a friendship that will last a lifetime.

Moments that I learn ballet with the girls at a host home and make a complete fool of myself, but they love it. 

These moments are all too familiar with moments you have on the mission field. Moments when you hold hands the first time with an orphan. Moments where you see your first village in the bush. Moments where you take your first van ride in Uganda. Moments were you first have fresh pineapple juice. Moments where you get baptized in the Nile River. When you hang your first mosquito net. When you watch a child get a brand new pair of shoes. When you strap that first baby one your back. All of these moments will happen in July for my team. Most of them have never been on a mission trip and I cannot wait to sit on the floor and decompress after each day. To hear their raw emotions. Emotions that make them feel like they can't breathe. I cannot wait for their lives to be changed.

I cannot tell you why I am on this trip for the next 3 months or what I will do when I have to say goodbye to these children. Or how I will handle going to their country and not getting to see every face that I kissed goodnight for the past four months. I do not have any of the answers, but I do know that I am here because this is where I am supposed to be right now. I am supposed to be afraid to tell them 'goodbye.' I am supposed to cry to myself when they tell me certain stores about their life. I am supposed to feel like a 'mom' when I tuck them in at night. And I am supposed to learn from them, because they are such great teachers.

While I am on the road I cannot fundraise, the only way to get money for myself is to 100% rely on donations. This is a big step for me especially being that I love to fundraise. This is a step of faith- the entire next 4 months will be me stepping out in faith. I am ready to be back in the place my heart longs to be, on the red clay of Uganda. However, I cannot do this without you guys. I cannot lead a trip. I cannot help people process their 'first moments,' until my trip is paid for. I am needing your help, bad. I have to have nearly $2,000 by April 5th. If you click on the link below it will get you to the page to donate. Thank you in advance. Thank you for believing in me and for reading my blogs.


http://www.gofundme.com/callietakesuganda

Here is to life, to learning and to loving.

A day of fasting

Today we fasted breakfast and lunch. I've never fasted like this before, sure I've fasted certain things, but full meals not so much. We woke up to a rainy day and a quiet bus ride, partially because everyone was still asleep. We arrived at the church to do worship and our group devotions. To see these children worship so faithfully at 8am with no breakfast is beyond me. Some were on their face for Jesus and some had both of their hands raised- giving him everything they had. 

Today was a chill day. The children started school and it wasn't much longer that a few of the chaperones had multiple chairs pushed together to create a bed, myself included. We didn't have much to do today and it was rainy. I worked on my computer stuff for awhile then Marissa asked me to join her to go get a smoothie, not sure if this is considered cheating but I had a mango smoothie while we drove up a mountain. It was exhilarating, just to process the fact that I was with children from another county, ( the exact country that stole my heart almost 3 years ago) and I was getting to hear them sing to Jesus with everything they had. This is my life, not someone I am reading about or stalking their instagram, but this is my life. 

As the day went on, we had a time of prayer during the time we'd usually have lunch. One thing that was repeated during the prayer circle was to ask God why he has you here, he chose each of us for a reason. Why are you here? It's a thought that I won't know the answer to for awhile I am sure. We sang some more and broke into groups to pray. Later, the  children went back to school and the chaperones went back into doing their thing. 

Dinner came around and we were all so hungry, we ended the fast with another prayer circle and then had lasagna. As the host families arrived they greeted their kids with giant smiles. Joshua, a young boy in the choir sat next to me and the man who was his host home sat with us. He just loved Joshua. You could tell by the way he looked at him and asked to know more about him. The older gentleman told us he was retired and having these children in his home has changed his life. He said that he and his wife were talking about visiting Uganda. These children of course have testimonies that they stand up on stage and say, but when they tell you things that they don't say on stage you listen. As we were eating Joshua began to tell his host family about his dream to be a pastor. He told about when he was little he was almost aborted because his dad didn't want him. His mother had him and Joshua almost died after being born. The doctors told his mother that after having him she could not have any more, she had one more child after him- making her the mother of three. Joshua looked up from his food with his bright smile and said, if she wouldn't have had me I wouldn't be here now in America singing.   

This was a real moment. A moment that I will never forget, nor will I ever forget the bus ride last night with Christopher, there he told me about his dreams to be a singer. I will never forget today when a young boy came to me and said "auntie Callie can I go home with you after tour?" I explained to him that his family would miss him very much. His response "my parents know that this is a good place, America has opportunities." I will never forget when another young boy looked at me today and said "auntie, you make me smile even when I do not want to smile." 

And just to think that I made a phone call today expressing my frustrations with being tired and not feeling like I had a purpose here. The enemy will try to attack me no matter what. He will try to get me when I am tired and hungry. I refuse to be told I don't belong here or that I have no purpose. These children are changing my life. Their faith, their stories, their smiles and their 20 hugs a day are everything I want and more. 

This is life today and I am ready for travel day tomorrow.