"the world these days."

I think the media is trying to destroy us. I think we've fallen into a trap believing every single thing we read. The other day I had a thought about how the media would have covered things when Jesus walked the earth and then I got sad. Literally, sad while I thought about. Then, I looked at my parents last week and thought about how nice it would have been to be a part of their generation because they grew up not having the media right in their face. Negative, over opinionated people shouting negative things on Facebook posts - as if they actually does anything. How nice would that have been?! 

Last year I found myself getting super involved in politics. My views were shifted, I started believing things about these people who clearly lie to us. I believed every single word I read in a book or on the internet. I listened to the view of people on Facebook. I got too involved and it stole my life. It stole my joy. It made me think negative and for just a little bit I thought that I wanted to be President someday. I thought that working the government was fun - kind of how Leslie Knope makes it look.

Then I moved to Uganda because I wanted to. Because I thought that it was my next big step and it was not. I let fear win for a bit. I let my anxiety and fear speak for me in too many situations. & here I am back in Dothan, knowing that Jesus brought me back here. since I was 14 I said I was ready to get out of this town and now there is no other place in this world I would rather be - this city needs me. This city needs you. This country needs you. This world needs you. 

It does not need negative Facebook comments. I am tried of people being so negative. I think if we focused more on the the good instead of the bad things would be easier around here. 

When people say things like,  "the world these days"- "what is the world coming to?" - "this world is going down" - I get so offended because I am not married, I do not have children and I refuse to tell my little sister not to have dreams and goals because of your negative view on the world. 

I am not sure where this post is going. I just had to write and this is what is on my mind. I still have dreams, MEGA BIG DREAMS & I don't want them to go away. I don't want them to be suppressed by negativity.   

We need Jesus.  

We need unity. 

We need love. 

We need peace. 

those things are going to happen until heaven, but I am going to try with every breath in my lungs to love my neighbor as myself, to not scare the younger generation or talk about gun rights at the table. 

We need to be positive. Please be positive. 

I don't really have more to say - just love each other. 

#24for24years

I could write 10,000 words about today. I could write about every single story. I want to tell each one and I want to give them justice - I wanted this project to shine light on how important it is to share simple things with people. We are a community, a family - we were made to love each other and be there for each other.

So I decided to do something positive for my birthday. I did not want a party, I did not want things shined on me - I wanted to give small things to people I know and people I don’t. I wanted to share the love of Jesus just through buying a snow cone for a stranger, giving a homemade cupcake to a city worker, or giving cold bottle of water to someone working in the heat. I wanted people to know they they are loved and valued. I wanted people to take the joy they received in that one second of me me handing them something and I wanted them to share that joy - spread that joy like wildfire. 

This isn’t a blog to tell you the good things I did. This is a blog to tell you that I am in a FUNK. I have been for quiet sometime, I am in route to get back to being myself. It isn’t easy - so today I put myself aside and I fully embraced every hug, every smile, every laugh, every tear and I watched my sister and her best friend live it out too. They were excited about helping and spreading joy. I watched positive things get pumped into social media and while I never intended for my name to be attached - I cried each time I saw their smiles or heard their stories. 

Today was for this community. It was for my friends here in my hometown. It was for the mechanic who fixes my car. for the family who gives free hugs at the snow cone stand. for the Waste Management men who were on their lunch break. for the little girl who wanted a snow cone on a summer day. for my neighbors. for the family who wanted a Redbox. for the lady at the gas station who needed a hug. for the men who work in the heat all day. for the people who play Pokemon. for the pet owners. for the cancer survivors. for the people who needed encouragement while learning to cook or hike a mountain. for the people who look different than me, think different than me and act different than me - this was all for you. 

Today is a day I will carry forever. I loved today.

I am beyond thankful for every person who accepted these gifts. I am beyond thankful for the people who are continuing to share the joy. KEEP IT GOING. 

Italy, Family and a battle of anxiety.

I am in Naples, Italy -with my entire family and my heart could not be happier. When I arrived here, my immediate family was not here because they missed one of their flights due to weather. I was greeted, with kisses on each cheek by my Italian family, who does not know English.

One things you need to know before this post gets started, I have been battling fear and anxiety like a mad man for the past two weeks. I have lost all joy, I have lost the ability to enjoy simple moments because I am trying to figure out why bad things happen in this world, I am trying to understand how God works and I am trying to figure out my life's calling. I wonder most days if something bad will happen and how I will respond. It has been a struggle. A STRUGGLE. 

I was with my family who does not speak English and culture shock set in. When you arrive in Naples the airport is on the industrial side of town, it looks barren, but still beautiful - you pass a volcano, some big buildings and tons of apartment complexes, that is how people live here. Its is cheaper and nicer to live in apartments. I was in the car with my cousin and her husband, they didn't speak English - but she knew a few words, and that helped a bit. We arrived at  Zio Fanco's and Zia Rosetta's (Nonna's brother and his wife) apartment, I sat at the table for a little bit while they tried to figure out a way to communicate with me, I had a glass of water and then my anxiety kicked in so I knew it was time to take a nap. I went to my room and slept for a bit. 

I woke up, tried to communicate with Zio Franco and then messaged Paola to see when she would be back. I got dressed, still fighting the anxiety, I showered and cried a bit because I was still so overwhelmed by being 100% immersed into the Italian culture just coming from Uganda. I got dressed, threw up and then went out with Paola, her husband and their sweet daughter. We drove around Naples while we she typed on Google Translator to tell me what things were or ask me questions about myself. Trying to explain why I lived in Uganda was a fun time, I laughed. She told me that she was a special needs teacher and that she had been doing it for 14 years. She is a gem. We had pizza for dinner and they can throw down on pizza here, they ordered a pizza for themselves - its  medium sized pizza and then they devoured it, so quickly and gracefully. I have never seen anything like it before. 

They took me home, I feel asleep in the car and when I arrived at Zio Franco's apartment, he was waiting up watching television - Zia Rosetta and their puppy, Black were already asleep. Mind you, he knows ZERO English. I waved goodnight and he said, 'buona notte' and I said it back slowly and he giggled and gave me a thumbs up. It was a moment I will cherish for the rest of my life, I am sure of it. 

The next morning I woke up nervous about my parents flights and fought through it, we drove to the airport and everyone who lived within a hour distance showed up to greet my family at the airport. They lost their luggage which caused a delay, and FINALLY they were here- I gave them such giant hugs, a few tears were shed and we were on our way. We all were together - half speaking only Italian and half speaking only English. We loaded up and headed to our villa, it was a ways from the airport and I rode with Nonna and Nonno - my thoughts were still getting the best of me and I tried to push them aside and enjoy every second thrown my way. 

The house we are staying in is beautiful. 

Clean white walls. European to the core. 

You can see the sea and the mountains from our balcony.

The little pizzeria across the street is tasty. 

& the cars never stop coming by. 

I am here, with my family and this week I am fighting about this demon called anxiety that I battle. I will not let it steal my joy while I am here, I will not try and figure out my life's calling while I am here - instead I will enjoy every second thrown my way.  I will write when I can and I am avoiding Facebook because it steals my joy - I compare myself to people, I waste my REAL LIFE wondering about Facebook, my next move and what everyone else is doing. 

I am thankful. I am happy. I am full because I just had bruschetta, made by Nonna and I am in Naples seeing where my Nonna was born and raised. My keys on my computer and lined with a tiny bit of olive oil and I am about to take a nap because we are waiting for luggage to make its way to our house. 

This is me saying bye to Facebook for a bit. To anxiety because it is stupid.