calling

I had a friend once who obsessed over the phase, "God's calling on my life. " I obsessed about it so much during our friendship and two years after that it made me a very anxious person. I was so scared to step outside of what God was calling me to do, that I literally didn't do anything. I just sat, literally sat on my comfort couch, this is what one of my dear friends called it. I remember the day I got rid of my comfort couch, it held too many negative memories. I sat her by the street with a note that read, "she was a good couch."  Someone picked her up within 10 mins. I cried a little bit because me getting rid of that couch was much more than just getting rid of some old, torn couch. This was monumental in my life. This meant that I had to do something. I could no longer stay on my couch watching New Girl and wishing for a better life or a better calling. I had to figure out who I was for myself.

I don't remember the exact timeline of everything. But I started back to college again, one thing you must know is that I am terrible student when it comes to college things. I dropped out fast than John Mayer dumped his girlfriends. I was in school and my parents were hosting the children's choir from Uganda. I knew it was going to be such a special time because I knew the Ugandan culture. It was a blast. It changed my life. I joined their tour. I said, "yes." I did this by myself. I did this alone. This, "yes" was the very first time that I said yes to something without asking a friend or a boyfriend. Mainly a boyfriend. I did it. The first night I cried myself to sleep because I was sleeping in a blow up mattress, in a baby nursery in a strangers home. Honestly, who wouldn't cry - but for real, I had to adjust to my, "yes." This was my first step to trying to figure out my calling. Sure, I was scared. I was scared of what people would say when they found out that I dropped out of school to join a children's choir. But, I got over that shortly after. When you have 18 kids saying, "Auntie" all day, you forget about a lot of things quickly.

Fast forward three weeks and we are in Spartanburg, South Carolina. I hated South Carolina, it was entirely too hot. It was humid and it was just hot. The kids loved the church, I loved the church. This is where I heard about a guy moving his family to Uganda. I remember exactly where I was standing when I found out. (Not knowing that this house, the exact room I was in would be my room for a season a year later.) I remember something clicking inside me. I remember thinking that I could go with them, but I didn't know them. I met them all the next day, the entire Benjamin House team. I heard about a guy who was giving up his US visa status to move and I thought that was a huge commitment. I battled with that for awhile because I knew that these people knew their calling and I still did not. I had no clue.

Weeks past and for some odd reason I kept thinking about moving to Uganda with these people I had just met. I kept freaking out about the idea, but the idea would keep coming back. I would ask Jho, one of the Ugandan chaperones, "What do you see me doing with my life? What do you think my calling is?" I would ask him literally all the time. He would bring up some scripture and tell me to get a grip, I would figure it out. It was all out of love of course.

Fast Forward a month later and I am in Knoxville, Tennessee. I took the van to a book store (it was my tour thing) and on the way back I put the windows down, I processed and I felt free in that exact moment. I remember it like it was yesterday. All of the things that defined me previously, bad relationships, "my calling," religion, all of that did not matter anymore. I was free, I was free to make a decision. I was free to try and figure out what my calling truly was. You'd think that it would have been written in the clouds, it wasn't. But, I knew that I was free to make a decision.

The next city we visited, I told a friend that I was moving to Uganda with the Benjamin House team. I felt it in my bones that I as supposed to. I called my mother, she picked up the phone crying and said, "I know what you're about to tell me and I think its wonderful, but I need a little time to process." I HAD NOT EVEN TOLD HER ABOUT BENJAMIN HOUSE. The Lord told my mama before I even could. Talk about wild?!

Tour ended. I moved to Uganda. I felt at peace, but I knew deep, deep down that it wasn't forever. It wasn't. I moved home 5 months later and left dear friends behind. I had to move home for my mental health. I wasn't scared to move home. I wasn't really scared of failure. I was still just so scared that I would never find my calling. I loved being in Uganda, I loved the children in the slum, I loved teaching the mamas English with my roommate. I loved my sweet Ugandan roommate. But I knew I did not belong there in that season.

I moved home and said I would go back to school to teach English, this was my, "new calling." I think I started the semester and it ended quickly. I finished the semester but knew that wasn't what I truly wanted to do. I missed my friend in Uganda, the one who gave up his US visa to move. I missed him deeply. I called him one day out of the blue. I had not talked to him in 3 months, every emotion came rushing to me, something clicked. I knew I loved him. I told him the week later and we were married shortly after. He moved home because the Lord allowed him to be approved for a 10 year visitors visa.

We got married. I was working as a massage therapist (I have been one since 2011, I go back to it sometimes.) I knew it wasn't my calling, but I loved my clients. I loved my co-workers and I loved my bosses. Alejandro was working at FedEx. He loves the race of the day, seeing how fast he could get done. We were getting use to being married. We loved each other so well, we still do. We were focused on being a husband and wife.


Then we started a taco truck. I love the taco truck, Alejandro knows that this is part of his calling. He knows that this will be with us as long as the Lord allows. I love the people we serve, I love the places we set up, I love the food.

Then we met our baby boy. On May 13th, we got word that a baby boy was born. On May 14th, we found out that we were chosen to be his parents. I thought there would be a magical moment where everything clicks, there wasn't. I was pretty numb because of everything that had happened 3 days before with the failed match.

However, when I met our baby boy.

It clicked.

I felt part of my calling. I felt the feeling I felt when I said, "I do." to Alejandro. I felt the feeling I felt when I said my first yes to join tour. I felt the feeling I felt when I said yes to moving to Uganda. I felt the feeling I felt when we started our food truck. Thats the thing about, "my calling" - I don't think its supposed to be this one thing for the rest of my life. I think it's simple. We are called to love God and love people. I'd like to think I do those thing pretty well. Sure, I don't know what the next 5 years hold. I don't know what the year 2020 holds, but I know this - I am called


I am called to love the Lord with my whole heart.
I am called to be a wife.
I am called to be a mother.
I am called to love others.
I am called to run a taco truck behind the scenes.
I am called to treat every human equal.
I am called to tell our story.
I am called to things bigger than myself.
I am called to trust.
I am called to not fear.

I am called to be patient.
I am called to say, yes sometimes and no others.
I am called to be a daughter.
I am called to be a sister.


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