A story about a little boy named Joe & his mama

Every time I start to read a book I am reminded that I need to write, which causes me to put my book aside, open my computer and write away. I sometime know where the blog will lead and sometimes, most times, I have no idea. I often wonder why I am here. I often wonder what a Christian truly is? I often wonder what grace looks like? I often wonder about my future. I often wonder who will cross my path that day. I often wonder why my passions have changed. I wonder a lot of things  - but that is how life is, right? We all wonder things often, at least I like to think we do. 

I am here on the other side of the world and what I thought this season would look like is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Not bad, just different. Do you remember in the last blog when I mentioned a little boy who would I write about later - now is that time. When I moved over envisioned myself becoming a mother, honest. I envisioned myself getting off the plane at Christmas time and having a child with me- surprising my family and friends. I thought that I would be here for just a couple months and Jesus would place a child in my life to love and cherish forever and ever. I kind of thought that is what tour was preparing me for. I had been here for 1.5 months and I had to take pictures for our sponsorship program - I started to line the kids up and as I stood in the same spot a little boy wrapped his entire boy around my leg and stayed there until I was done taking pictures. i left thinking about him. 

A week passed and I wondered if I would see him while we were in the slum that day. He found me and grabbed my hand -- he had on the same clothes he had on the week before, he was dusty, his shoes were torn and tattered, he had a runny nose and a cough - I knew I could take care of him. I asked our translator about him, I asked him to please get more information on him. He walked away for five minutes and came back to say, “his mother says you can have him. 

My heart quit beating. I knew this was it, I knew he was the one I had thought about. I texted my mother to see if she wanted to see her grandson - I sent his pictures and I told her my hear behind wanting him, needing him, feeling like he was mine. She listened to me and then she said, “Callie, I know that you are not going to want to hear this, but you need to seriously pray about it. You need to ask Jesus to make it clear. I am not saying that you cannot do it, I am simply saying that you just need to ask Jesus.” I cried in my bed for a couple hours, I went to sleep thinking about him, I woke up thinking about him, I had dreams about waking him up and getting him dressed to go to preschool. 

I mean guys, this felt like he was mine. 

Now, imagine you having your heart set on something big - something that you thought the last year of your life was preparing you for and then imagine you meeting his mama, and her asking you to teach her English. Imagine knowing that this little boy has a mama and a daddy. Imagine knowing that you could literally give this child the world, you could clean him, get him healthcare, get him education and then you hear Jesus say - "you cant give him the love of his mama - the love that he has known for 4 years." 

I cried more. 

But I had peace. 

Last week I started the English classes and his mama was a student, he sat with her the entire time - cuddling with her, never leaving her side and in my mind I knew that I had made the correct decision, I knew that Jesus had said, “no.” I  imagined how hard it would have been for me to pry him off of his mama and my heart ached.

Here I am almost 3 months in and I am in a completely different season than I thought I would be in. I find myself dreaming about MY future. That is a HUGE thing for me, a girl who has only known relationships for the past 6 years - for all my teenage/early adulthood years I have worried about having someone to talk to, wanting to feel wanted, wanting to dream about someone, wanting to know that someone was there  - I was never alone, I never gave myself time to heal from my past mistakes and never let Jesus change me and right when I got here I asked Jesus some HARD questions, that would require HARD answers, they were answered and with that I knew that Jesus was closing doors and opening doors - He was being the good, good father that he is and protecting me from certain things and preparing me for others. 

I am in Uganda, I am learning and my dreams are becoming more and more clear.