To the 'Queen'

to the woman who taught me how to find my true passion.

I never knew someone who loved their job as much as she does. I remember the day I met her, I was 16, lost and unsure of what it was I was passionate about. When I walked into sign up to help with children’s church— I was unsure about it, being that I didn’t know much about kids besides the fact that they cried a lot and sometimes used the bathroom on themselves. I never knew when I walked in that room on that Sunday morning just how much this woman would mean to me. I laughed when I met her, thats normal with meeting this one— she’s funny. 

The next Sunday I got to help her during childrens church and I watched her while I sat in the back, being a ‘special friend’ for a talker. I watched her teach a lesson, I watched it consume her, I watched her look into every childs eyes, like they were the only person in the room. I watched the group of children absorb her every word like it was all they would ever know. She taught them with such passion. She knew what things worked and what things didn’t— It was one of my favorite things to see. She would walk the little stage, she would sit to get more eye level with the children and she would sing and dance when it was time for worship. 

I remember leaving that day and knowing that I would help her as much as possible. I knew that I loved Mrs. Susanna and I knew that I would learn so much from her, if I only paid attention. 

Shortly after that first Sunday morning with her, I was one of hers. She was my momma, away from my momma. I was at her house more than I was at my own. Her kids and I were such great friends. Her daughter was 2 years younger than me, her son was away at college, and her other son was working on a college campus. Her husband lived in another city due to a job. They were a whole family, but in different locations. Somehow they figured out the perfect formula to make it work and it did. When they would all come home on the weekends, I was there—of course, and I saw the love they each had for one another. And wow, did they all know how to laugh. They laughed more than any family I’d ever been around. Ever. For two years I stayed at their house to do homework, watch Glee and laugh until I cried. 

The times I had in that house I will forever cherish. Forever. Somedays when I am driving around, I will drive by the house to see it. It nostalgic. Its special to me, it always will be. I remember her office window in the house was right by the back door and everytime I got to the house I would bang on that window to scare her— she would of course scream and then we would both laugh so hard we would nearly pee our pants. Or on stormy nights her daughter and I would crawl into her giant bed and sleep with her and the dog, all 4 of us on a king size bed. We always knew that when her daughter gradated high school that she would move to live with her husband. I always knew she would end up leaving, but I never thought it would come— when I left first for massage school, I did not help much with preschool anymore. But her daughter graduated high school and they moved. 

I remember being over there for the yard sale, it was weird seeing their things leave the house. But I know they were excited about being together. Of course, as life goes we did not get to keep in touch as much as one would hope. I fell away, I started going to Africa and she lived in a different city hours away— these are not excuses they are simple me telling you I regret not being around. However, I knew when I returned home from that first trip to Africa and I started the preschool department at my church, I realized how working under her 3 years before prepared me for that very task. I called her to tell her all about it- while she gave me a notebook of pointers and curriculum ideas. 

I could not have done it without her. I could not have done it, if I wouldnt have watched her those years. I watched her after good Sunday mornings and I watched her after bad Sunday mornings. I knew that no matter the outcome of that morning, she still loved it because she loved those children and it was her calling. 

Fast forward to today— she asked me to come speak at her ‘new' church because her kids had been praying for me for 8 months. I of course said, ‘yes’ and mom and I drove up. We got there and immediately laughed as we greeted each other. We went inside the church and started to catch up- I explained how fearful I was, how nervous I was and her response, “why? did God not get you this far? What are you scared of?”

I responded with something smart like, “death”

Her response - “Guess, what. If its your time to go no mater where you are in this world, you’re going” 

With one sentence she calmed my mind down a tiny bit. After I spoke at the church we went to eat, I rode with her and the whole way to the restaurant she continued lifting me up, reminding me of who I was in my life, of how proud of me she was. How she knew that it was something I was going to do-- that Gods called me there for 365 days, for now, but who knows what will actually happen. I told her about my overthinking and she broke it down for me. She reminded me how important it is to take it day by day. 

Just that 15 minute car ride changed my entire perspective of faith and fear. She helped me realize that this was my life, she reminded me what my passion was, children. 

Here is to the woman, who taught me everything I know about teaching, about patience and about loving all children the same no matter their story. She entered my life right when I was about to give up on searching for that passion. She entered when I was bitter towards church. She showed me how strong women can change things, how strong women can love and not ask for anything in return and how strong women aren’t afraid to fail, but they know how to apologize. She taught me to pray, to love, to give and to listen. She taught me so much. 

One day we will have a little white house with lots of land and we will teach together. We will laugh daily and we will listen to each others stories. That day may be in heaven, but I cannot wait for it! 

Thank you for loving me always and for believing in me, even when you wrote my reports in high school. Thank you for listening to me and giving me sound advice in every season of my life.