bittersweet

If you have read my blog before then you know that I am an emotional person. I am okay with being that way, its who I am. I think its healthy to embrace the mood you are in, but of course know when enough is enough. I am only telling you guys this to tell you that I am emotional today, I have been for 3 days.

My little sister got married Saturday and it didn't hit me until I helped her put her dress on in a tiny bathroom. My baby sister, who I remember the day she was born like yesterday, got married. Her last name changed and as excited as I am. It is still so hard to process. Not because she's married, but just because of life changing. Tonight we will have people over for the Alabama game and after that, things get quiet until I move to Uganda.

This blog may be all over the place. If I had an editor I'm sure she would get upset because I don't flow too well and I have on fake nails so typing isn't working out too well either.

Since Thanksgiving I can easily say I have cried three times a week. Not openly, I usually go for a drive- this leads me down dirt roads at sunset or around town late at night. But its how I process. I drive, I play a certain song that fits my mood and I write out the thoughts in my head as if I were reading them to a crowd. However, I forget them all before I make it to my computer and this causes my blogs be all over the place. I'm okay with it. --- Now, back to Thanksgiving-- I've cried a lot. A whole lot, because family and friends from out of town have been around every waking second of every day since then. You would think, me being an introvert would make me hate that, but I've loved it. Of course, I love the time I have in my tiny apartment at the end of each night too, but that not what I am talking about in this one.

I have seen a friend from Texas, a friend for California, a friend from the Carolinas, a friend home from college, friends that were on my mission team last year and I have seen family members from all over. California, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, New York-- all over. And the goodbyes are the worst part. It goes like this

them:"when do you leave again?"
me:"We fly out March 8th"
them:"Oh wow, so this will be the last time I see you before then."
This is when things get either emotional or awkward.

Seeing all of my old friends, was not easy. We are all in such different, different places. But, the beauty in coming together as adult and catching up is the best part. One of them is in the military and just had a baby. One of them is engaged. One of them moved away to become a comedian, but realized it wasn't his passion, but he fell in love with the city and lady. One of them just moved back home, we are neighbors now. We dreamt of this when we were little girls, we always wanted to be able to walk to each others homes. However, now we drive across the field because she has 2 kids and the dogs follow me over there.

This past couple of months have been bittersweet and Saturday when my little sister walked thru the doors of the sanctuary holding my daddy's hand- it hit me hard. Real hard. But I had to hold it together because she needed my tissue. Life comes and goes fast. Yesterday she was born I held in my hands and then Saturday I watched her get married. I can only imagine how my parents felt or how their parents felt?!  I mean, my dad's crying was pretty obvious how he felt, but still whoa.  It's all just so fast, but so beautiful. Before they got in the car to leave the reception, they wanted all of the immediate family to come inside to say 'bye' -- we all cried a little bit more, I told them to look out for sharks and then they ran out.

That is the thing about life, just like my dad said after that Disney trip, "Life is constantly changing. It just sneaks up on us sometimes. It changes and we don't realize it right away." But Saturday was an immediate change and March 8th will be an immediate change. All good changes, just changes that come with a little more tears and lot more faith.


** the tears are all good tears.