walking on water

I drove down to the beach today to be with my family. I drove by myself which was everything I needed after this week. As I started the drive down, I listened to All Sons & Daughters and replayed my week in my head. And after a few phone calls to apologize to people about my selfishness the past week I turned onto a road that wrecked me, I'm not sure how that's possible, but it happened. Sidenote: this place my family was heading was a part of the beach we'd never been, so the gps took me down a road where tall beautiful trees lined each side of the road and I was the only car in sight. I put down the windows and started almost weaping at the idea of how rude I had been at some points this week. My emotions have seemed to be on a rollercoaster. I let certain things go, I laughed at how bad I had just cried and then I turned on my favorite song 'We Dance' by Bethel and then I pulled up to the house. 

I turned in to see the long, long boardwalk with my dad on the boat and my pepaw standing on the dock. I got out of the car and with no hesitation sprinted down the boardwalk and shouted "this cannot be real life" but it was. I was here in this moment. I cannot put into words the beauty of this place. There is nothing in this town except an IGA, the house is secluded and the boardwalk is long and narrow and the dock is small but perfect size. You can see every star in the sky because of how dark it gets. It's incredible. 

As I waited for the rest of the family to get here, I seriously just looked at the bay in awe of the place I was standing. As they arrived I started helping unpack the cars and then we all sat on the porch and felt the cool breeze. We just took in the beauty of the moment I think. Then we moved to the dock, and just to get this straight my heart nearly exploded 7 times while sitting down there. My Memaw was fishing while my mom, my dad, my Pepaw and myself sat at the edge looking at the water and my Pepaw said "walk out on that water and take a picture of us sitting here" 

I giggled. Only wishing I could do it. 

My dad said "you can do it, you just have to have faith" and it seemed to be a light switch for me, I became an adult in my family. I've been fighting off this 'growing up' thing all week, partially why I've had a bad one. But then it hit and it couldn't have been delivered more beautifully. We were telling favorite stories about the bible and my Pepaw explained things he was reading in the New Testament and I was able to point out things for him to study. Then we all talked about what we thing Heaven will be like. 

I can't necessarily write out every word that was exchanged out on the dock but it was everything I needed in my life right now. Jesus was sitting right beside us or maybe He was standing on the water in front of us. Regardless of where He was exactly, I knew He was down there and I knew that He heard me secretly giggle to myself when I told my Pepaw that I would walk on water if I could. I giggled simply because I need that faith, I need that faith in Him every second of everyday. I should have enough faith that I don't have to have bad weeks or bad days because I know that it's a tiny storm compared to His great light. I wish I could have walked on that water today. I wish that I wouldn't have been a bad friend this week and I wish that I would have given more of myself to Jesus this week. I cut Him short, big time. 

I am thankful for new beginnings and for moments big or small that seem to make everything make sense.