When I was about 8 years old - my mom told me it was time to send Becca to the, "doll hospital." Her eyelashes were gone, her hair was one giant dread and our dog had chewed off two of her fingers. So my mom talked me into sending her to my Nonna & Nonno's house because they knew someone who fixed dolls. I hesitantly sent her away not knowing how long she would be gone. A couple weeks later we were at my sister's birthday party. Nonna walks in and calls me over and I am presented with a clean/crisp Becca. I was shocked. I remember being semi embarrassed because I was tearful over a babydoll in front of some of my friends, but they knew how much this babydoll meant to me. They were just as excited to see this clean baby doll as I was. I mean she was a lil bit scary before this. This Becca was clean, no more matted hair, my name was removed off her backside and she had eyelashes. At 8 years old, I was a tiny bit skeptical on how she got so clean, but I trusted that my parents and grandparents truly sent her to the hospital. I mean after all Nonna, told me all about her friend who did this and what all they did to get her fixed. So what was there not to believe.
Fast forward 17 years and it is time for me to get married. I spent so much time trying to figure out what to gift my mom on my wedding day and I couldn't think of anything. One day I saw Becca in a box in my closet, just where I left her. I knew then that I would give my mama Becca. But, I wanted to send her to the, "doll hospital." She had matted hair, messed up eyes and the dress was long gone. I knew that I wouldn't be able to send her off to anyone who repairs and couldn't ask because the secret would be blown. So I took her to the spa I as working at and the girls there did the very best they could. I put her in the dress she wore when she served as a flower girl with me and I could not wait to see my mamas face when she opened her! But Amy (mama) threw me a fast one, like she does. She stood up and gave this lil speech about how she has held onto this since I was two years old. She talked about how growing up you didn't see me without holding this. Being very vague, I knew exactly what she talking about but my brain went into panic because I was unsure how she had Becca. I HAD Becca in my room. Then she walked out of the room and walked back in with brand new in the original box Rebecca doll. The $9.99 Toys R Us sticker still on the box. I took the Rebecca box, motioned for my friend, who was already on her way to get it and then placed MY Becca in my mom's arms. We both shouted, giggled and cried because how in the whole world did we both gift each other Becca.
Becca hasn't been discussed much over the years. I mean she would come up in conversations about memories or when I am cleaning out Francos closet. I have the packaged (stranger) Rebecca doll in the top of his closet and my mom has the OG Becca in her closet. She's never really brought up, I mean I have boys so we dont really talk about baby dolls around here.
But today, I was at my Nonna and Nonno's house. I went down to help my parents start going thru some stuff. Endless hours of going thru things. When she passed I didn't take much, I took a blue dish towel that hung in her kitchen that reads - "Nonna's Kitchen." & I took a locket with a baby picture of me that we found in her closet . So going back down there, I was not sure what I wanted from her house. I know I want the macramé light that hangs in the dining room, she promised me that when I was 16. But really what could I take that would remind me of her. I couldn't take the ocean, or the boogie board, I couldn't take her old Buick town car or her cooking. I had a few things set aside -some batteries from Nonno's dresser and a clock for Miguel and a harmonica for Franco. Nothing from her closet was jumping out at me - but then I found her old Christmas sweater. I did not think much of it. I mean I thought it would be cute to have but I went back and forth - I think I even asked my mom if I needed it and she said, "why not?" So I put it in my pile. Later on, we got into Nonno's office and my gosh at the stuff, papers&pictures and papers&pictures. We put all of those things in the living room so we could go thru them on a rainy day. What seemed to be hour 76 of cleaning the office - my dad stood on a ladder to get stuff off the top shelf of his desk. He opened a bag and giggled, he passed me the bag and said - "here, this is yours."
Now before I go any further, I need to note some things.
1. I had not shed a tear the entire time I was there. I promised myself I'd compartmentalize and process later. It was the only way we would get things done.
2. I had seen a doll that was 87 years old a little bit before and it was a jump scare, sorry Nonna.
3. I am a private crier, I hate crying in front of people. Even my husband. I will literally go in my shirt.
Now, I will carry on. My dad hands me a white garbage bag with dust on top. I say, "nope, I am not opening another baby doll." He said, "just open it." I opened it and pulled out my original dirty, matted hair, no eyelashes, missing two fingers, name on her backside Becca doll and in that very second - I sobbed. I mean no tears being held back, did not go in my shirt. I looked up to tears rolling down my mama face. My mama grinned and said, "well here is the doll hospital." For 25 years my Nonna and Nonno have had my Becca doll hidden. They never threw her away, they never gave her back to my parents, they never lost her. She sat safely at their house. Of course at 33 years old I was not upset that they all lied to me. I think in that very moment I felt a love that I will miss for ever. I felt my Nonna and Nonno in his office, in this raw moment. A few minutes later after our tears dried, my mom said - "let me call Memaw and see how many dolls she has in her closet." We called Memaw told her the story and she went to her closet, put us on FaceTime and showed us the dolls. She had three dirty, matted Becca dolls.
My mom then looked at me and told me that when I was gifted this doll she and my granny called every Toys R Us in a 5 hour radius to see if they had them in stock. They went to one in Tallahassee and got all of their Becca dolls because they knew if I lost one it would be awful. So at 33 years old, I found out that there were 6 Becca dolls. I cried once again looking at the three dolls over FaceTime because again - I am a grown adult and still my grandparents were keeping such a pure and special thing safe for me and I did not even know it.
I felt like a little girl today. I felt such strong love today. I felt the love that I hope I am giving my boys.
Oh and if you think its over, just wait. To top the Becca story off. My mama went in the living three hours later to straighten up the picture boxes before we left for the day. I am not kidding when I say there are at least 5,000 photos for us to go thru. I mean in the living room alone there were 6 giant tubs packed full. My mom decided to open one of the boxes, picked up a handful and guess what - in the pile of the pictures she randomly selected - pictures from when Nonna brought me Becca from the ,"doll hospital." And just guess what she was wearing, her Christmas sweater that I'd put in my box a few hours ago.
I literally was shocked. I just kept saying, "how in the world."
My mama said: Your Nonna knew how much Becca meant to you and she wanted to be a part of this today.
So today on July 18, my Nonna visited me.
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