Today marks two month since I gave up the idea of straightening my hair before leaving the house.
Today marks two months since I've had a good salad.
Today marks two months since hugging my best friends
Today marks two months since seeing my cat
Today marks two months since I've driven my CR-V
Today marks two months that I haven't attended The Crossing
Today marks two months since I've had my mommas cooking
Today marks two months since I taught my preschool class
Today marks two months that have changed my life forever. Today I drove from North Carolina to South while my 'co-pilot' Darya slept. During the drive Martin asked me if I was bored, I said "a little" and without hesitating he hit Darya and said "wake up, Auntie Callie is bored." I laughed because the the 12 passenger van that I was afraid to drive at the beginning of tour now feels more like my car then I imagine my CR-V will.
We stayed at our 'vacation home' last night, the house we stayed at for the entire week during my first month, we stayed there to break up a 12 hour van ride. Their house feels more like home than anywhere else right now. We all dropped our bags at the foot of the stairs and went right back to the rooms we had the previous time we stayed.
I find myself carrying more about my kids laundry more than my own, except the other night when Brenda was in the shower and I forgot to ask her for hers before sending the rest of it up and boy, did she let me know it the next morning.
My breakfast every single day consists of scrambled eggs, bacon, fruit, toast and 10 different jams, that awl came from a different family member. We either have Marteinelli's Apple Juice or Minute Maid Orange Juice.
I find myself thinking a lot on the drives while all of my 'co-pilots' are asleep, thinking about what I would be doing if I were home or what I am going to do when tour is over. During my thoughts I hear Charles saying "quit worrying, what will happen will happen- enjoy right now. Are you breathing, are you on tour, are you happy? Then just be those things"
I have found myself wondering if Jesus placed me on this tour just to tell me to go into healthcare, then I laugh when I imagine what a catheter looks like. I have massaged more sore muscles on this tour than I ever did while being an LMT. Tonight, Loyce (Joyce with an 'L') was complaining with a neck ache, so I made sure to get her in my house tonight. She screamed the entire time I tried to put ice on her neck- not okay screamed, like blood curling screams. I have been to the ER only to be told that a child has a stye, then wake up to doctor it while she screams every morning for the following week. I have checked a child for a concussion. I have rubbed heads that have headaches. I have caught throw up in a sweater and I gave my favorite jacket 'just in case' - I have been told by Naomi, while tucking her into bed one night, that I should be a doctor because I walk like one and I had a caring voice when she was sick that morning. I thought about it for 25 seconds, then figured out the years I'd be in school.
As I finish this blog I am sitting on the top bunk of the bed, A child is asleep on the bottom bunk and there are porcelain dolls at eye level and the air vent is blowing my free little hairs because its so close to my head. The room smells like lavender and mint, due the oils I used to help Loyce's neck. Every three days, I am sleeping in a new bed, in a new house, I am hearing new stories and sleeping on different pillow. I am hot some nights and freezing others. Some homes don't have blinds over the windows and some home are underground. Some bedrooms don't have ceiling fans and some houses have rowdy animals. Some people don't say 5 words while you are there and some people don't let you say 5 words because their stories are more important. Some homes have 7 televisions and most don't have any. Some homes have pianos and some have deer heads. I read a quote once that said, " I am a mixture of every person I have ever met"-- if that is my case I am a mess. A giant mess.
Which is normal, what 22 years old would tell you that their life isn't a mess? Someone told me last night that she is nearly 40 and she knows who she is, but she is getting use to herself still. My age is hard and I am not afraid to admit that. We are all trying to find our spot, to make our mark. I had someone one time tell me that I wasn't the typical first child. Unsure of what that meant, I asked only to get an answer that still would sting if I let it. I carried it for a long time worried that I didn't meet the standard, that I wasn't a good enough example for my sisters. Not too long after that comment another person asked me if I was done with school, I explained no and she sarcastically compared me to her daughter (who is about to graduate college) and asked me how my trip to China was. These are the comments that I have been in competition with for a couple of years now, but, I know now that I may not be the typical first child, I may have dropped my life to join this choir and I may not be graduating from college. The trip to China was never a thing, but the trip to Uganda happened and it continues to happen. I may not know what my life looks like when I get home, but over the past two months I have learned more than I would have sitting in a classroom. I learned more than what I would have if I let those comments continue to hold me back.
This has been the best decision I have made in awhile. It wasn't made to impress anyone, to prove anything to anyone. It was a decision made to figure out who I was, to help shape what my next steps will look like and to be here, to be here fully.
At the beginning of tour I wondered if I would be able to make any connections with the kids, I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to--
I received a note from one of our girls last night that told me I as her best.
I had to switch Martin between my right hand and left hand in D.C. because a hot day only leads to sweaty hands
I can sit down by a child and without saying anything they grab my hand and tickle it (my favorite thing)
Tour changes people. These children change people. The road changes people. The 50+ host homes change people. And the talks I have with some of the host, who want to help me reach my goals in life- change people.
thankful for the past two months. here is to the other half.
No comments:
Post a Comment