the real dream

Written Wednesday. 

Today I wish to stay in bed and write. It's 11:31am and I've been awake for a couple of hours just sitting in my bed. I've not done this in so long. But I've sat here, I looked at my phone. I read a couple of blogs, I read my assignment for class, congratulated my cousin on her engagement and now I am choosing to blog. 

I am choosing to blog because it's something I enjoy doing. It's something that I think about daily. I think about what I want to talk about on these post. I have ideas behind some and some I just throw out because I'm in need of a post. So today my blog post will be about this one question: 

If you could live a life where money isn't an issue. What would you choose to do? 

I recently read a blog about things nurses hear from people on their deathbeds, it's their top 5 regrets. 

Things like: 

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

With reading that blog and already pondering on the question I asked above.

I have not wanted to do anything other than sit and write. && for thirty more minutes I am going to let my dream come true. While I tell all of you viewers what I would do if money weren't an issue, only in hopes to make you ask yourself those same questions. 

I would travel everywhere with a notebook and camera in hand. I would go on so many mission trips that the airplane seat feels more like my bed than my own bed. I would sit and listen to people, just listen- not in hopes to change them or save them, but to just listen. I would blog about every experience I have. I would teach kids in other countries, I would teach them small words in English while they teach me how to love more. I would give everything I own (except my cat and camera) away. I would be a voice for the kiddos who don't get a voice. I would adopt so many children, that's it's like I have my own Orphange in America. I would get sweet Joseani & baby Grace and bring them home to me. These are all things I dream about doing when I'm driving or while I'm writing. I dream of seeing new places, meeting new people and loving everyone along the way. 

Unfortunately, I can't unless I have money. That's the way this world works. I'm having to come to grips with that at the whopping age of 22. It's a messy world where money controls all things. But I refuse for it to control my dreams and goals. 

As I read the post I mentioned earlier,  I nearly cried. Simply because I say those things now. I wish I were other places, I wish I were married (only some days) I wish I were a mom, I wish I had a nonprofit. Instead of embracing where we are now-- where I am right this second, sitting in my bed, listening to Explosions In the Sky and writing. I get anxious about where I will be in 5 years, I dream of being this other person with a better body, healthier hair, who has it all together, who knows what she wants and when she wants it. 

No. 

I am tired of people being lied to by this world. I am tired of children comparing themselves to everyone else. I am tried of people turning their nose up the second they see someone who looks differently than they do. I am tired of a world where we as Christians debate with one another instead of going out and loving the ones who need love. Not preaching, but simply loving. Our actions speak louder than our words. 

I don't want myself or anyone elses lasts words to begin with, "I wish."

I want your our last words to be "it was a good time, but this is about to get even better" and we meet our creator and he grabs us up and says "good job."

That's the real dream.