A little reminder

I haven't blogged in a couple of days, this breaks the 31 day challenge. I could put my journal on here, but that wouldn't end well. I've realized this past week how human I actually am. I wish more than anything right now that I could tell you that I havent struggled this past week but it's been a rough one. 

I feel mainly like a tree in the midst of a storm. I know that sounds super spiritual or cheesy even, but really the struggle has been real. There are things crumbling all around me and trying to stand up during them all is a challenge. 

I met new friends recently that remind me of my past. They seriously take me 5 years back when I was a "merch girl"- I get to take pictures and videos, I get to hang out with 'the guys.' I stay up too late, I give my opinion when it's not needed, it's like Im back to the band days, when I was 18-- It's fun. It's one of the simpler things in life right now. Then there are the heavy moments --the ones that help shape me, the ones that make me realize what I'm really here for. 

Moments like the ones where your mom calls you needing to talk, you find out one of your best friends has to have brain surgery, your other best friend is losing a family member to cancer and she's doing it alone. Moments when you realize that your sisters are growing up and they are making choices that can't always be controlled. Moments like (again with ethics) but when I want to stand up in class and scream at my teacher for being so insincere while talking about suicide and abortion. Moments when I want to change my major. 

Then on rides home at night while Ben Rector plays, I realize what is important and what isn't. I realize that I can only be all I can be in that moment. I can be what Jesus intended me to be-- and a mother to all, may not be it. I can be the lover He created me to be. The listener He created me to be. I can be the daughter He created me to be. I can't control what happens tomorrow or next week. However, I can enjoy being 22 while I'm in this year. I can stop mothering everyone because my time will come to be a mom. I can stop worrying about what people will think if I change my major, if I move away or if I go on 40 mission trips a year because this life isn't mine, it's Jesus' and He can do whatever He chooses to do with it. 

I don't know what my life will look like in 5 years. My dream journal is almost full and it's time to start marking things off the list. 

         -sincerely, 

            A hippy who needs to hammock