a baby alive doll, a trampoline & a baby sister

It was Christmas morning, I woke up knowing that Santa came to visit. I had asked for a trampoline and a baby alive. I saw a string leading from the Christmas tree to the trampoline outside. It was very cold that morning so my mom got me dressed and my dad took me outside to jump for a bit. It was covered in ice and I was sliding everywhere. I remember my mom wabbling out the door with her purse in hand saying "Chris, why are you letting her jump?! She is going to mess up her outfit, we don't have time to change- we have to go." We loaded into the car and headed to the hospital. I had my doll and her diaper bag, my Chritmas outfit, my big bow and I was waiting patiently for my next BIG present to be delivered. 

My baby sister. She was born Christmas Day. I was 6 years old and it was the best day ever. I had a trampoline, a doll that peed and a baby sister, who was real. While my momma was pregnant, I always loved sitting on the couch beside her so that I could talk to Caroline. I'd sing her little songs and before I left for school some mornings I would kiss my momma bye and then her belly, so Caroline would know for sure that I loved her. The second I saw her I knew that she would be my best friend. I was so excited about being a big sister. I would finally have someone to play with. 

We had the best childhood any kids could ask for. We lived in the trailer and  Saturday morning were always the best. We would wake up, play and then color ten coloring books full of pages for our parents. I remember her begin so sweet and sensitive. She had the softest spirit of any two year old I've ever been around, to this day. 

But as the story goes-- life changed a bit, we grew up. I met friends from school and instead of it being me and her, it turned into me pushing her away. I would ask her to leave the room so my friends and I could have out slumber parties. We started fighting like sisters do, we moved out of the trailer and into our house and welcomed another baby sister. This brought on a whole new dynamic. Caroline and I both grew up. We were complete opposites. She was in pageants, she danced, she cheered. We were never into the same things-- but we still supported each other so much and we knew how to love one another and the newest member Camaryn. 

It wasn't until I grew up that I realized the responsibility that comes along with being the big sister. It's not just a label or a birthing order. It's literally a duty. I have to be a role model. I have to set an example and honestly until I was 19 years old, I set a terrible one. I argued with them, of course there are still arguments but nowhere near what it was growing up. Sure, we are all still growing up and each still learning so much but I see now the beauty and joy in having sisters. 

I'm writing this blog right after I just got done expressing my emotions to my now 16 year old sister. Who is growing up and learning new things, experiencing new friends and is about to start her junior year of high school. I met some of the new friends the other night and as nicely as I could say it to my sister, I didn't want her to live the same mistakes I did. I want her to stand up for herself, to live strong, to be brave, and to live for Jesus. 

But then I'm reminded of my mother saying the exact things to me when I was 16 years old and it pushing me further and further away. I had to learn on my own. I had to 'be free', I had to experience life or so I thought. I wish with everything in me that I could have bypassed those moments in my life. but I didn't and now I'm here, 22 years old and I'm pretty sure I'm turning gray at the thought of my baby sister who I patiently waited to hold, grow up. 

And that's what she is doing, she is growing up. It is not easy watching them grow up- get boyfriends, have break ups, have friends who I want to scream at, have friends who are there one day and gone the next, have insecurities and cry because this person said this or that. It's hard not wanting to follow them to school just to protect them and watch after them. They were babies when I first met them and sometimes when Caroline holds my hand or Camaryn opens her eyes really wide and does this giggle that she does I'm taken back to the moment, that I fell in love with my baby sisters. 

We have beautiful moments together and I love each and every one of them. We each have our own personality and our own way of expressing our feelings. I've heard people all my life look at my dad and say 'I'm sorry man, you've got your hands full' and my dad jokingly say back 'you got that right'-- but really both my mom and dad have their hands full and they have done an incredible job at raising three girls. They are still doing it and they are awesome parents. I could not be more thankful for them. && just so we are clear when my children turn 15 I'm sending them to their grandparents house.