I often wonder why God placed me here, I mean who doesn't? If you are a person who can truly say that you have never thought about this question, please tell me your secret. Growing up, I lived simple, you know, in a trailer (loved it) with my mom & dad and momma cat with all of her babies, yes there was a momma cat. I miss her. Life brought two little sisters and they changed my world completely, but in ways that I never expected. At the age of ten I was protective, quiet and wondered a lot.
Growing up through high school I searched for my place just like anyone else does. I searched through multiple friendships, boyfriends and groups. I had a friend who stayed true since the 3rd grade, Claire, but we 'hated' each other in high school. I use to be the cool kid (you know the one who is super hipster, but gets offended at the label of being called a hipster) I watched foreign films in which my high school maturity only merely understood the top coating of it, I listened to indie music and I wanted to be a band manger.. so I could see the world and be surrounded by music. I decided to switch up my movie choice one night, instead of going to the typical Sundance Film Festival section on iTunes, I watched a documentary. It was called Invisible Children, I'm sure most of you have heard of it, but basically its about the war torn Uganda. I watched it and never felt those emotions before. I felt spoiled, I felt scared, I felt a burden, I felt weak at the idea of having to walk miles just to sleep in safety and even then not being really safe. I was unsure what to do, how to react, what could I do next? Simple. Help. Help them in their despair. Help their need and want for education. I went to school the next day and told everyone about it only to get a few weird looks and a joke about the name. Until I found my friend who led me to watch this documentary.
Lacey is her name. She was older than me and loved life. She always smiled and seemed different than any other girl I had ever met. She liked John Mayer- I liked John Mayer, I knew it was real friendship. I went to her and poured my heart out to her, telling her all about how I wanted to help. She said okay lets do a small screening. The next week I put up flyers to have a small screening at my house. Not expecting many people to show up, I had at least 15 people, some people I had never even spoken to, some people I had treated wrong, some people I simply didn't have the desire to get to know (I'm going to be real in this blog). I had no clue what I was doing when I put the film in. I didn't know the reaction I would get. So I put it in to see that 20 minutes into the movie they were crying. Did they care? Did they want to help like I wanted to help? After the movie was over, Lacey called Invisible Children and we had a rep & her name was Holly. It was fast and quick and within the next three months anything and everything I talked about was either about collecting books, Uganda, or children in Africa.
I carried on the Invisible Children fundraising throughout my senior year. I was known for it! I loved it, I loved knowing that I was inspiring people to help others. I was getting calls from the IC rep and she was telling me how excited she was to know me and know our team. After we collected the 1,000 books my parents so selflessly took me and 5 friends with the books to Atlanta to drop them off! I knew it was something I would be passionate about forever.
A couple years passed and I slowly forgot about the children in Africa. I forgot about that passion that was so strong.
Until one day, around Christmas time, I was cleaning my room and I opened the drawer, I remember feeling my heart stop and I giggled then tears began to flow. My excitement while seeing everything about Invisible Children was like a child on Christmas morning.
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Something stirred inside me that day and I couldn't just forget about it. I promised myself that I wouldn't, only to wait another whole year before looking into going to Uganda. I knew I was supposed to go. I knew that I wanted to go. I signed up for my first trip and it fell apart. The team didn't form and the leader didn't end up going. But then there was Visiting Orphans and it was like Jesus just flew the doors wide open and I was going to Africa. I think I may have had 4 panic attacks while a friend & I were signing up at Barnes and Noble the next week. The next few months were different. I was learning new things about myself. I was raising money and telling people about my passions and heart like I use to and it felt so nice. The thought of me being in Africa and accomplishing one of my biggest dreams in life had not hit me yet, it actually didn't hit me until --
We landed in Africa and I got off the plane, breathed in the cool crisp air and I forgot about what was at home. I was there fully. I was giving it my all. I was giving it me. I was still so bashful. I remember us getting to the airport and me thinking "I do not want to be here, I want to go home." But I was there and I was there for two weeks. We got to the first orphanage and I remember feeling so worried about these children, about their health and about their well being. I got over my selfishness of not wanting to be there fast, mainly because it was my turn to make bracelets with little girls. I was lead back to the back of this little hallway and turned the room to see a room full of girls sitting all quietly waiting for me to enter, I entered the room and they said it, they said 'teacher, teacher' I felt something in that moment that I had never felt before. I almost collapsed, but I felt something stand me up and lead me into the room. I taught them through a cracked voice and teary eyes and giggled the entire time. I was nervous. I had never done anything like this before. We couldn't speak the same language, but they understood me. After we made the bracelets, we moved over to the corner to bounce the ball. I was wearing a long skirt and they do this bounce thing where they bounce it between their legs. So I tried it and just like that my walls came down, they laughed. They loved me for me and that was all I needed. I was no longer worried about what was going to happen there, who I was going to be anymore. Because I was being me, I was finding her.
During my trip I noticed that my heart for Africa was bigger than I thought it was, that my heart for people was much bigger than I thought it was and my heart for Jesus was much, much bigger than I thought it was. I was ready to go out into the field everyday. I was ready to be around kids, because those kiddos brought me out of me. In the middle of the trip a friend looked at me and said ' I feel like I am seeing a Callie that nobody has ever seen before' and no other statement had ever been so true. I was being me, the real, raw organic me.
I had the opportunity to visit Rwanda again and I didn't feel everything like I did the first time. I was searching for that old feeling. I was searching for the answers to everything. I was wanting to come home a new person, but I had to realize that Jesus had already changed me and now he was trying to polish me to become more like Him. I knew what I wanted with my life when I came home, I wanted to be around children. To teach. To ignite passions. To help guide people in the right direction and to love people and to love Jesus.
&& in this past year of being home from Africa the first time I have been in school and quit, I have taken over the preschool curriculum and then given it back so I can just teach, our church has moved into a building, I have bought a jeep, I have sold a jeep, I got a new job as a massage therapist, I have had some of the best days of my life and some of the worst, I bought a paddleboard, I have gained friends and lost friends, I have met new people, I have welcomed my best friends baby into this world, I have inspired people and I have let my words hurt people, I have loved my cat, I have prayed over my sisters and argued with my sisters. I have named my imaginary children and then said I don't want children when preschool goes bad. I have questioned Jesus, I have yelled in my field at the top of my lungs for the enemy to leave me alone, I have cried, I have laughed, I have been a best friend and I have been a bad friend, I have been a daughter to my parents and most importantly I have been a daughter to my heavenly Father. I have loved Him each day and I have wanted to be who he has wanted me to be since he created me a mere 21 years ago. I know my calling, I know my passions and I know that I want to serve Jesus with every step I take. I am human. I am love. I am His daughter.
Thank you Africa for opening my eyes, thank you Jesus for grabbing my hand and pulling me out of my mess, thank you for reading.
