late night rambling.

Being that this is a 31 day writing challenge, not every post will be wonderful. Not every post will make sense. Currently it is 12:24am and I should be entering at least my third hour of sleep, but I am not. Instead, I am sitting on my couch, the fall scented candle is lit, I am under a cover and my cat has figured out a way to play with the computer charger. This leads to him running into me continuously while I try to write this post. It may not be the best one ever written simply because today my brain was all over the place. It went 10,000 miles an hour. Last night I fell asleep watching one of my favorite movies, only to wake up on my couch with all of the lights on, the sun rising and my teeth unbrushed. This lead to be crawling into my bed early this morning in hopes of getting a couple more hours of sleep. A couple hours later I woke up and got dressed for school. I decided to drive the old car we have around here, its a 92. I cranked the car up and took off, she was a bit rusty and shorty after I realized the smell of diesel fuel was pretty strong, this only ends in me going to school smelling like a jet engine.

I walked in bible class and we started talking about the laws of the Old Testament. I wanted to scream to be quite honest with you. I wanted to leave the class, nothing was clicking and nothing was coming together. The class ended and I walked over to Ethics-- only for him to ask "if I am sitting still in my car and I am driving 40mph, how fast am I going?" Guess what the answer is not: 40mph, its actually 1,000mph because that is how fast the earth is moving. Oh, and guess what else--when a molecule isn't being watched it behaves differently that it would if it was being watched. Okay, now that my brain is completely turned to liquid and I have said to myself at least 8 times "how did you ever make it to college" -- class is dismissed.

I leave there only to go shop for a dress to wear to a formal outing I have tomorrow night. I decided to sit at Chick Fil A and eat before shopping. I sat by myself and ate dinner for the first time ever. I got to 'people watch' and not have to explain why I am not making eye contact to the person sitting across from me. I got to just eat and watch people. Then the phone calls started, you know the ones when people start asking you if you will be here or there, or there, or there. I simply said "no" and guess what? I did not have to give an explanation. I got to walk around the mall by myself tonight and I enjoyed it, I had company shortly after and I enjoyed that too. But, I thoroughly enjoyed just sitting by myself, I enjoyed walking around by myself. I use to hate it- hate it. I felt like everyone in the world was looking at me and judging me.

I lived by myself in a city about two hours away from home for a year. It was a year of staying in my apartment and watching Friends, I cooked a bit and I studied sometimes. I would go out, only for my over anxious and insecure self to go back home because someone looked at me weird. I was a different person back then, way different. I lacked a lot of things Jesus was number one and confidence was number two. I learned a lot during that year, but I wish more than anything that I'd known Jesus during that time.

I am not even sure the idea behind this blog, I have thought about at least 4 different things that I could discuss in this post. I just do not know which one to choose. I mean I have 26 days left of this. We will leave this one to me just rambling about this day and about how my brain is tired today. I am tried today, I thought about 75 new things I want to do with my life. I wrote a part of a sitcom. I tried to be social, only for my friends to keep talking super deep. I had to chart out things that were covered in class today. I had to ignore my ethics teacher because that one question he asked 8 different ways only drove me crazy. I tried on so many dresses today that the lady in the store said 'you will be in there for two hours'. I got clothes today that show that I am growing up. I ate by myself for the first time in my life. I grew up a little bit today. I thanked Jesus for little moments and I thought about my sweet friend who is going through something that she never thought she'd go through. This is life, this is a day in my life and if I could write down every thought of my day-- my sitcom would be the perfect mixture of New Girl, Friends, and the movie Love and other Disasters.

I rambled.

                                                 

                                                

& I accidentally spelled Israel -- Isreal (it fit this day)